Happy 21st Birthday, Hazwan.
It was your birthday on June the 15th. You’re 21 now, and as your younger sister, I was around during the 19 years you shelled an existence.
During those years we’ve spent as siblings, you’ve given me plenty of happy… no… pleasant… err… not quite… well, you’ve given me plenty of memories. Most of them were unspeakably horrendous so I now live a scarred existence able to stand the test of time, and are pretty valuable to me.
Do you remember, when we were cavorting jovially on fields of daffodils and daisies as the sun filtered through the dreamy clouds? We crafted floral headpieces and ornaments with the flowers and decorated our ponies in them as we joked and laughed merrily on our way back to the castle?
Yeah god knows what drug I was on then.
Probably the same one you’re on.
Do you remember how similar we looked when we were younger? People often mistook us for twins and they would badger us on questions of our birth. But then, I sort of got cuter and more adorable and people stopped making the resemblance.
Do you remember when we shared all those times and did all the stupid things every sibling would’ve done to each other at one point in their lives? We’d probably look back on those memories and gewgaw at how silly we were! We did some pretty cute things, like;
- I threatened you with a knife to keep your distance or so help me god, I will slice open your innards?
- We had to be placed in separate houses because our abnormally frequent fights got too violent and bloody?
- You deliberately password-protected the computer before I had a chance to print my PMR project that was due tomorrow and had me all fucked on that day?
Ahh, fond memories that keeps my heart warm with nostalgic feelings!
Do you remember when we gradually matured and finally found peace with one another? We stopped grabbing at each other’s throats, screaming obscene profanities and wishing for each other’s demise.
And then it lasted for like what, 2 hours before we came to our senses and found creative ways to once again inflict unspeakable pain to one another?
You should know, dear brother, that I categorise people into two headings;
- Those that steal my oxygen.
- Those that don’t steal my oxygen.
During our childish days, you were my top oxygen stealer. But now, as I have come to realise that you’re my only brother and our destinies are intertwined by strong ties of blood, I shall acknowledge you as one who does not stain nor plunder my much beloved oxygen. You’re welcomed to have all of my oxygen as you may so desire!
Just remember that it’s on loan.
Before I go off to harass the stupid neighbour by playing Metallica at full volume, I sincerely hope you gratefully accept this zero cost birthday gift of mine as it was done out of much cheapskateness sisterly love! Why did I do it three days after your actual date of birth, you ask?
Well, it’s not because I’ve been staying up all night reading comic books and harassing the neighbours, oh no! It’s because… urm… it’s taken me this long to mull over and convey just the right message to give you! I wanted to uh… make the birthday gift all the more special!
P/S: I uh… don’t owe you anything after this, right?