Of Happiness and Valiums

Chronicling my strife with the universe.

Swedish House Mafia Concert

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Auditors have no life. That’s the rule of the profession.

There’s also another unofficial rule that we live by.

Friday nights are sacred.

It’s 6pm on a Friday and I have an influx of work that will keep me occupied for the rest of my weekend. What’s my reaction?

Fuck you. It’s Friday night.

So we pack our bags, compartmentalize our worry and panic over unfinished work and answer the phone that’s been buzzing for the past half hour;

“Yeah yeah, I’m on my way. I’m driving straight to the pub. The rest are already there, eh?”

Mine of course, doesn’t involve drinking (And auditors are infamous drunkards, I swear to you). I’d watch two movies alone and completely enjoy it while my colleagues get completely boozed up like nobody’s business.

Come Saturday morning though, regardless of the fact that they downed almost a bottle of vodka per person, they’d don their professional auditor masks and resume working like they didn’t just puke their innards on the dance floor and had to be dragged from the scene wailing on and on about “When was my soul sucked out of me?”

It’s amazing.

 What’s probably similarly amazing was the bunch of smashed party-goers I was tagged with for the Swedish House Mafia concert.

By accident, I had to go. You take a person who enjoys extreme solitude and prefers being alienated by friends and place her in the middle of a throng of scantily-clad, screaming throat-abusers dancing to the beat of Club House music.

How the fuck?

I had to buy shades because, in the words of a perpetually-drunk party veteran, “I don’t trust the laser light shows with my retina.” Say what?

The blinding light shows, heart-thumping bass and a crowd with no regards to anyone’s personal space is exactly as the movies depict it.

With the epilepsy-inducing flashes of light, it looked almost like an old movie reel being played before me, with momentary scenes of stark blackness before blinding flashes of lights, slightly displaced by the artificial fog swirling everywhere.

Confetti rained down on us, actual rain rained down on us, creepers inching closer to sexy girls dancing and lost in the moment and beguiling vixens gyrating and dry humping each other. What horrified me was the fact that these two girls lesbian-dancing next to me were sisters and they were the ones I came to the party with.

Of course, thoughts of “I could be finishing up Games of Thrones right now. With Beethoven in the background for induced epic-ness” popped now and then, but was quieted down with the Hollywood-influenced “You fucker, just enjoy the moment” voice.

So I jumped, I cheered, I danced awkwardly to the beats I’d heard for the first time and I smiled to complete strangers around me every time the beginning to what I supposed to be was a crowd favourite was starting. My companions were dancing with complete strangers, giving random high-fives and ear-jarring screams as their mode of civilised conversations, and moving to the beat like they were completely lost in the moment.

It was exhausting. Reasons why people choose to do this often escape me.

When the party ended, we proceeded to the parking lot where they finished cans of beer of bottles of tequila (Coke for me, though). More house music blared from the car speakers and they continued dancing in the parking lot with random people coming over to join now and then.

When they mellowed out to take a breather and the full effect of alcohol hadn’t taken place yet, I starting finding out a lot about them.

They were professionals. Two were financial analysts, one was in Finance (unsure exactly on what he does) and was recruited to Singapore, one was a final year Law student set to study in London this year and three of us were full-fledged auditors, two of them my Seniors.

Their actions that led up to their moment of fatigue screamed otherwise, and I learnt not to judge a book by its cover several times over. They continued dancing after that and the party finally ended at 3am. Half of the group passed out, the rest talking gibberish while the Senior I was supposed to send home starting to get melancholic over life… Which, also, is quite humorous when you have nausea.

“There is nothing to be happy about with my l—BLEERRRGGGHHH. Why does this happen to me – BLAAAAARRRGGGHHH”

And as I sat there in the bleak quietness of my car after she’d pass out and the peaceful hum of the aircond as my only company during the drive to her house… I thought to myself; This will be the same senior asking me ‘Are you aware of how they would apply the new MFRS standard? Did you check if they presented the balance sheet in the financial statements in three separate positions?’ come Monday.

…And that I also really, really needed to wash the inside of my car now.

Written by aziemah

January 20, 2013 at 7:47 am

Moved!

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I moved.

Well, I also moved to a new house, but this migration I’m referring to is more of a virtual, rather than a physical nature.

….Okay I’ll shut up now.

Written by aziemah

September 27, 2010 at 2:01 am

Posted in Uncategorized

What Up, Peeps.

with 4 comments

It’s been a long time since I penned an entry stating my still alive existence which doesn’t come in the form of a review. Here’s where I’m supposed to pretend to enjoy life way too much and make a witty joke about the lack of your social life and the active workings of mine, thus ha-ha you star-trek fan virgin loser, etc.

Bitch what up.

Chill bitches, I know you up in ma’ drive and wishin’ you were me.

Ma Ho' Says Hi.

The truth is a long and confusing open-ended story, the ending only working out to start a new and unanticipated chapter. It’s the ever-exciting tale of how I gained 10 pounds (I hear the feminine cries of woe and disgust already), come to live in the disarrayed filth I call my room (Is that lump of thing on the floor edible? I’m hungry. It should be edible), and the mess of a life that gradually built up out of nowhere.

It's not like this everyday... Just... Every other day...

Though by mess of a life, I actually mean I’m running out of series to watch and House and Fringe are only starting back in September.

This series is awesome. It's like House, just that it's completely different and nothing at all like House.

Anyway, instead of writing something new today, I’m trying something new by writing something old. Okay who got confused? If you did, then;

Ha-ha. Retard. :D

Okay this is a blog post about a year ago, when I took an English proficiency test (which some of you come to know as IELTS) before flying to the UK. It was quite the experience, it was. And that’s why I’m writing about it, as opposed to writing about how fluffy the clouds are today or how I lost my favourite blue pen about a year ago. Don’t worry though, those are soon to come.

Anyway, read on while I pick the cookie crumbs off the rug to eat… err… keep my room tidy.

What Izyan Bakes.

What I'm Having. :(

IELTS (International English Language Testing System… I think)

It was the night before. I knew I was supposed to arrive at the centre by 8am so I figured I should sleep really, really early (I sacrificed a fourth viewing of 300 for that, so don’t belittle my effort).

I hadn’t done any preparation for the exam, wasn’t even sure what the hell I’m supposed to do, bring with me, how long it would take or even the exam rules. At least though, I mused, I would come equipped with a well-rested mind, if not well-informed.

Aww... You know this isn't my blog if it doesn't suddenly and randomly insert cute cat images.

So lights out at 11pm it is.

I woke up the next morning to the sound of… well, actually, nothing. I slept through my alarm that was set at 6am, 6.30am and 7.15am. The morning sun assaulted my half-opened eyes and I lazily stretched in bed, open to the comfortable suggestion of the comforter, pillow and mattress while dredging up some more sleeping hours before I sat up abruptly after remembering something just somewhat, somehow, relatively important;

I had an exam I paid RM530 for today.

I looked to the clock on the wall (as opposed to being on the floor or ceiling, I guess) and saw the time on the artistic grandeur of my RM5 Jusco wall clock..

It was 7.50am.

Sums up my feelings (and expression) exactly.

I suppose I was late.

I jumped from the covers, rushed to the bathroom, brushed my teeth (well you can say it was more of committing gum-bleeding suicide with the rushed and murderous strokes of the potent toothbrush bristles) and took the first shirt I saw on the floor in front of me (clean, I assure you. Mopped the floors just the week before). Somehow, I also managed to be the first person in the world to get bruises from putting on pants, pocketed my wallet and off I went.

Once I was on the small driveway leading to the main road, I suddenly had the awakening to become the most religious zealot on earth, supplicating to God and apologising deeply for I was so negligent of Him before. My earnest and calm prayer went like this;

“Dear God… taxi taxi TAXI!!!”

Sure enough, the moment I stepped onto the main road, a conspicuously yellow-painted carriage from heaven fell from the sky to whisk me to safety.

Okay, maybe it arrived in a less dramatic (and fantasy-like) way, but still…

Why don't I do this more often? I should do this more often... Dear God, PS3 PS3 PS3!!!!

I half-mangled the door as I forcibly opened it, jumped in and elegantly barked at the cab driver, telling him my destination. I had to repeat it a second time though, since he looked at me the first time with confusion and partial-shock docking his face.

Yeah like that, only not so yellow.

Probably too dazzled by how composed I was.

It was a 3 minutes ride, and when he came to a stop few feet from the centre, I threw all that was left in my wallet at him.

I’m not regretful that I probably gave him too much of a tip (Didn’t even get to sound extra cool and generous while saying “Keep the change, my good fellow” and shrugging my shoulders in a display of impotent coolness and munificence), but thankful that I still kept a sound mind not to throw the whole wallet.

God was with me the whole way.

I owe you one, God. Mad props.

I ran to the centre like kittens were chasing me and went immediately up the steps.

Just like that... btw God DOES kill a kitten when you masturbate, so... please think of the kittens.

Upon the first floor landing of the exam centre, I glanced at the wall-clock they had… and the time was 7.59am, 47 seconds.

Booyah bitches, who da boss?

Again.

That’s not the end of it though. When I arrived, I felt weird… incomplete somehow. Like I’d forgotten something very, very important.

I checked the stuff I brought with me; my ID (check), the forms I needed (check) and a face that got out of bed a mere 15 minutes ago (check check check). What could I have possible forgotte– Oh right.

Stationeries.

And Again.

That meant no pens, no pencils, no erasers, nothing. Everyone around me though, had several dozen 2B pencils in their hands. As soon as I stopped panicking and looking like a constipated idiot, I turned to the guy behind me (Who had 3 dozens bundled up, I swear to you) and went;

“Oh gee! We’re using 2B pencils? Can’t we use mechanical pencils? Do I need a pen?! My god what am I going to do…”

He took one sympathetic glance and gave me 4 pencils of his own. I think he was still left with like 6329875 pencils, so it was not a particularly huge sacrifice on his part anyway. Thank god he didn’t bother to see if I actually did bring anything at all either, that kind-hearted idiot.

The exam itself though, was nothing short of dull.

The Listening part was complete bull, and I couldn’t be bothered much with it. I think I dozed off intermittently during the last quarter, too (thanks to the energy-sapping morning excitement).

The Reading exam was finished within half the time because I didn’t want to read it carefully or double check my answers… life’s too short and looking around the exam halls, staring at the odd-shaped head of the lady in front of me seemed like it demanded more attention.

The Writing exam left me with 20 minutes of comfortable head-resting-against-arm position as I was too lazy to perfect my essay draft or bother with grammar and the trivial things. Like I said, life is short, so that makes sleeping time a lot less.

The reason for not caring was not because I’m confident in my English skillz (It’s still high-school level) but because I needed a mere 6.5 out of a possible 9.0 so… why bother much. A 6.5 SHOULD be possible, my English is (hopefully) at least up to that level since you know, I’m not from Japan or Korea or anything like that.

Anyway, the conclusion to this chapter is brief but essential:

  • The cookie crumbs on the floor were NOT edible… and nor were they cookie crumbs at all but let’s move on;
  • Don’t ask me if I showered;
  • The religious zealot thing didn’t stick. It only lasted the 10 seconds until the taxi arrived. Taxis must be the power tools of hell.
  • I passed.

PS:

Written by aziemah

July 26, 2010 at 11:43 am

Posted in Uncategorized

Ode to Azrin

with one comment

I love my youngest sister.  She’s such a perfect blend of sarcasm, cynicism and bluntness and it complements her razor-sharp tongue. If she hates you, she makes it known in the harshest and most sarcastic way possible. She doesn’t give a fuck as to what people say about her and somehow, she’s managed to make like-minded friends.

I still remember some of the things she would say in our normal course of conversation (Red’s hers, Green’s mine);

*Watching Unrest, a B-grade horror-flick centred around a hospital backdrop*

“What does the OR stand for on that door?”

“Operation room, duh.

“Oh… you mean not the O-mergency room?”

“…”


*Staring outside for god knows what reason (to fully appreciate nature?)*

“Oh look, a squirrel!”

“Yeah, I see ‘em a lot. They’re always running around in the front yard.”

“Aww… poor squirrels. Too bad we took away their habitats and they don’t have a place to live in and now they have to eat the garbage from every house and grow into giant mutated squirrels.”

“…”


*Random *

(In a British Accent) “You know dearest sister, I am rather fond of that… that elegant classical dance, wot do you call it? Wot? Street dance?”

“…”


*Me griping about UiTM*

“UiTM this… blah blah… Malays that… etc etc…”

“…”

“Why are you so silent? Are you thinking about what I just said and agreeing with it?”

“Um… no. I’m just wondering why you think I care.”


*(In a similar breath as to the one above) Talking about something that pisses me off*

“…So that’s what gets me mad.”

“OMG I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS!”

“…”

“Hey let’s go eat something I’m hungry.”


*Complaining about losing her Vincci shoe at her hostel*

“It costed me RM50!”

“So what do you want me to do about it?”

“Well I have your bank card and pin number.”

“…”


*Back from Usher’s recent concert in Malaysia*

“Aziemah! It was awesome!”

“Stop making me jealous.”

“No really, it was! He’s so sexy it’s okay if he wants to rape me.”

“…”


Such an impertinent, arrogant and insolent person.

…I’ve trained her well.

Written by aziemah

July 21, 2010 at 2:53 am

Posted in Uncategorized

FreebieJeebies Experiment.

with 2 comments

Basically, while I was searching online for a pre-owned PS3 (Secondhand gadgets for life, bitches. Plus I’m broke) I came across several “auctions” that would promote this particular website; FreebieJeebies.

Being of the Google Generation (new name for the 21st century), I did a lot of checking up on it and was 80% sure it’s legit.

Now leaves the 20%: trying it out myself.

Basically, I sign up for an account at FreebieJeebies and sign up for a 3rd-party offer they’re affiliated with (I’m signing up for LoveFilm because it genuinely seems like something I’d stick to). After that, I just gather sufficient referrals that would ultimately get me the prize I want. In this case, it’s a 250GB PS3 Slim.

I need 15 referrals.

I need your help. :D

Basically what you do is sign up for the websites FreebieJeebies advertises, and when they receive compensation, they give it back to you in the form of an item. I think the selection includes gadgets of the Apple variety and the new iPhone4 is up too apparently. After that, depending on the stuff you choose hence the referrals you need, just start recommending it to friends and when they decide that they’d try it too, presto! You get one referral. 14 more to go.

But hey, if you’re Mr/Mrs Popular, why not give it a go? It should be easy for you. And tell me if it works.

Just sign up via this link, and you’d be one of my referrers, in which I would be greatly obliged. :D

Here’s the link again, just in case:

http://consoles.freebiejeebies.co.uk/179620

Once it’s done (with my luck I doubt that though), then I can ascertain its success factor. Good luck me, good luck you.

Written by aziemah

July 16, 2010 at 2:37 am

Posted in Uncategorized

Zune HD vs iPod Touch

with 6 comments

Classes have started just today and here I was getting excited about my 254th consecutive days of pelting peanuts at inanimate objects. A tragedy, really. I’m this close to making a dent on that horridly brown-hued closet with the speed I possess in pelting said peanuts.

Some people are just born talented.

Speaking of which, there was a purpose for this particular post…

I recently purchased the Zune HD.

IN.

YOUR.

FACE.

BITCHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes it’s so remarkable to see how mature I am for my age.

I’ve grown weary of explaining multiple times what a Zune is, but I won’t mind telling it again for your sake.

Just kidding. I love to hear myself talk.

So here’s a brief summary:

Basically, all of you effing pathetic Apple fanboys are gushing over the latest releases by the devil incarnate (sometimes referred to as Steve Jobs). He has like, the Midas-Fucking-Touch when it comes to releasing the latest, up-to-date, age-defying, I-wank-to-it-in-my-parent’s-basement gadgets. The iPod, iPod touch, iPhone (all 400-fucking-version of it) has been well received by society due to its brilliant, flawless designs and novelty sizes.

With all his pioneering status and knack for the trendy and kitschy, he’s also brilliantly named said gadgets with simplistic, yet memorable and esoteric  names that appeals to just about everyone within this neo-futuristic age. He’d never, ever do something stupid like name a product to something that bears a striking resemblance to a woman’s menstrual pad, however.

OH WAIT.

I however, am one of the (unfortunately) minority that completely abhor the hype surrounding a singular brand. I’m not denying that it’s nice to look at or nice to touch (Like Amirah’s bewbies),

Such soft… err.. hair. My right hand is touching her, err… hair.

…Admittedly, the name even has a unique ring to it (save for a particular new Apple release…);

The Apple iPod Touch and the iPhone

Now doesn’t that sound like something that would leave her knees weak when you whisper to it passionately in her ear (as you hang out together under your parent’s basement)?

Also, the Apple App Store is a force not to be reckoned with. An old statistic I remember seeing stated that they dominate about 80% of the world’s mobile app world.

They sold 1 billion app last year. In the span of 9 months.

And of course, learning management science, we’re told numerous times how brilliant the marketing strategies they’ve adapted and how world-leading their after-sales service are. Bla-fucking-bla. Leave a few gaps of silence in reverence to the benchmarking status they’ve upheld and get ready for the blow-by-blow comparison I feel obliged to disseminate to you ignorant masses.

ZUNE VS IPOD


When the world was pining over the latest Apple and granting too great a consumer hold over it, there exists a disgruntled few who just couldn’t understand how someone could salivate over something with diminished capacity compared to other better brands, save that it looks better. There were notable competitions, like the Creative Zen, Sony and iRiver but they hardly stood a chance against the might of Apple fanboys (forthwith referred to as The Retarded Ones), egregious in their enthusiasm and overflowing in numbers.

Finally, Microsoft (Yes, Microsoft) took a stance and teamed up with Toshiba to create what is to be then referred to simply as Microsoft Zune. As Apple evolved, it gradually did too, with the release of the 2nd and 3rd generation, extricating themselves from the alliance with Toshiba in the process and fully propelling the project within their own capacity. It was performing adequately enough, it boosted and outperformed Apple is several categories, but non critical enough for us Zune fan-PEOPLE to go head-to-head with our retarded Apple counterparts… That is, until the Zune HD was released.

HOW THE ZUNE HD FUCKING RULE THE WORLD.


Zune is cheaper (MOST IMPORTANTEST FACT OF ALL).


Pricing (taken from Amazon US):

iPod Touch 8GB: $175.90

VS

Zune HD: No equivalent product range.

—–

iPod Touch 16GB: $199.00

VS

Zune HD 16GB: $164.00 (Black in colour)

—-

iPod Touch 32GB: $264.00

VS

Zune HD 32GB: $238.00 (Platinum in colour)

—-

iPod Touch 64GB: $349.00

VS

Zune HD 64GB: $349.00 (White in colour)

(Okay, maybe this one might be similar, but give it some time. It was just released April this year. :P)


The iPod sound quality pales in comparison to the Zune.


When I say blow-by-blow, I really mean I-am-too-much-of-a-distracted-person-to-type-all-that-much-but-hey-here’s-a-useful-link-insert-smilie-face.

There are plenty of audiophile forums singing high, laudable praises for the Zune (I might exaggerate this a teeny bit) in terms of audio quality, comparing it incessantly with the iPod, all the while noting the iPod’s glaring inferiority. In case the technical jargons might confuse you, here’s an amazon-forum based discussion:

Sound Quality, Zune VS iPod

Don’t take my word for it, take Amazon’s (I think Amazon should pay me for typing that. I’m running a petition soon).

 

The Zune has far superior display.



Alright, the iPod Touch might have a slightly wider diagonal measurement at 3.5″ (beating the Zune at 3.3″) but that’s just superiority in numbers, not actual performance. The deficient 0.2″ is more than made up by the fact that the Zune outfits more pixels in a similar space (480 x 272), making it so much more vibrant and the colours strikingly brilliant. Or, if you’re going to be all fuck-all for that slight technical difference, consider this: The Zune uses OLED display while the iPod Touch is still stuck with the same ol’ boring LCD.

You have to be daft not to be aware of the mountainous quality difference between an OLED and LCD display. In fact, the strongest selling point of the Zune is in its display quality and how it upstages just about every other brand not by a slight, but staggering margin.

 

The Zune weighs less and is smaller in size.



The initial measurements would have the iPod winning preliminarily again. The thickness of 8.5mm is slightly smaller than Zune’s 8.9mm. However, that’s as far as it extends. The Zune totally beats it in all other aspects.

Apple’s product is 2.4″ wide, the Zune is 2.1″.

Apple’s is 4.3″ tall, the Zune is 4.0″.

And despite its smaller size, the Zune manages to weight about 36% less than the iPod, measuring at 76g as opposed to Apple’s hefty 115g. It doesn’t look too light, thanks to the shiny metallic exterior but when you pick it up, you might be somewhat surprised by the contrasting weight (as I was).

 

Zune has better battery life.


I hate it when my battery is completely drained and it’s getting all that much harder to pretend to listen to music so that the shower-challenged guy beside you might take a hint or two (true story). Here’s a short recap:

Apple has 30 hours music playback, Zune HD has 33.

Apple has 6 hours video playback, Zune HD has 8.5.

Apple charges at an 80% capacity by two hours via wall adapter, Zune at 100%.

Via a USB port, Apple requires 4 hours for a full charge, Zune requires 3.


Zune support more video formats at a far, FAR better quality


This is highly imperative for myself, since I primarily watch movies and series while riding the Underground. I’ve watched two seasons of Ugly Betty and Desperate Housewives… Err I mean House and CSI on my old 1st Gen Zune and several countless movies, so the fact that the Zune processes 640 x 480 video resolution at 30 frames per second, and is able to decode MPEG-4 and H.264 compression schemes at up to 2.5 Mbps (H.264 PEOPLE!) I literally screamed. In addition, it also handles Microsoft’s native WMV format, which the iPod is simply unable to (They’re restricted to MPEG-4).

Not only that, but the quality of 480p can be extended to a frikkin’ 720p seamlessly, in which even some laptops can barely handle it. The video can be outputted at that quality to a HD TV via composite cables sold separately. And while the iPod plays videos of up to 2.5mb in speed, Zune can perform at a whooping 14mb.

I’m sorry for all the technical jargons, there’s no other way to explain just how superior the Zune is. I doubt telling you “IT IS THE FUCKING BEST BOOYA BITCHESSSSS!!!! FUCKING LOOK AT THAT PICTAHSSSS!” would help much.

 

Zune is scratch-resistant, Apple is basically designed to be covered in scratches within several hours of usage.



I noticed this trait when I dropped my 1st Gen Zune for about 5 tim- err once. ONCE. And noticed that there were no visible scratches on the screen or the casing, despite dropping it on gravel at a magnitude of… well, very hard. I was more than exalted when I discovered the same trait was extended to the Zune HD, since the sleek metallic exterior made me figure it was built the same way as the iPod: classy and elegant, yet magnetized scratches like no one’s business.

Seriously, does any Apply fanboy dare to comment on how scratch prone all the Apple products are?

If you’re in the US, you have a choice of five colours with free engravings:



Latest additions:

Last but not least:

 

Honorouble mentions


The NVIDIA Tegra Chip.


Zune would be the first media player to use this ground-breaking technology. If you’re wondering what exactly the fuck it is, I don’t have a fucking clue either. Google plskthx:

It’s a graphics-based processor inputted into laptops mostly, to ensure quality video playbacks at staggering processing speeds and minimum power output.

Oh man, does this sound bitching:

“Specifically, the Tegra provides the Zune HD with eight independent processors, each designed for a specific class of tasks – among them are an HD video processor, an audio processor, a graphics processor, and two ARM cores. Furthermore, the processors can work together or independently to minimize power consumption.”

The Zune also has Wi-Fi, a Web browser (with tap-to-zoom technology), built-in accelerometer, and a touch-screen QWERTY keyboard.


Seriously, what more can you ask for? Okay, maybe a shirtless Jake Gyllenhaal.

Well hello there, Prince of Persia.

ALL MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED!

One thing to gripe about however, is that it is only released in US and Canada. I’ve been waiting for an Europe release (rumoured since Fall of 2009) but it was just grapevine shit. The only way of buying it was either purchasing it at exorbitant prices from UK-based inofficial stores… or eBay (New at slightly less exorbitant prices and refurbished at much less).

Of course, cheapskate me chose eBay.  Refurbished.

Whatever I have a Zune HD.

PS: Yes, this post update is because it’s 4am and I have to get ready for class at 7am tomorrow… err today.

Written by aziemah

July 16, 2010 at 2:19 am

Posted in Uncategorized

Me Wa-tahh Moh-muntzz

with 10 comments

My Water Moments.


I know, it’s ridiculously easy to fall into a perverse lull and think of so many unholy (for lack of a better word) things associated with water. Especially given the title “My ‘Water‘ Moments” (Cue suggestive coughing).

Oh wait you weren’t thinking of anything dirty? That was only me?

Uh so yeah, I wasn’t thinking it too. Was just, like, you know… kidding.

Haha… Oh look a butterfly!

So anyway, aside from my awesome powers of distraction, I decided to do something I vowed never to commit myself to. Enter a (I’d like to say here drumroll please, but it’s so overused I’m going to pass… oh what the heck. DRUMROLL PLEASE!) competition! Of the Nuffnang variety!

(If you are a Nuffnang judge, please don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the godawesome gifts and fantastic ideas you guys come up with (man I better not be kissing ass for nothing *hinthint*), it’s because I’d get way depressed if I spent 10 min… err… 52 hours writing a carefully constructed post and have it come to naught).

Of course, those who know me well could totally read the underlying cause for this uncharacteristic tendency to actually, like, do something besides sleeping and watching paint dry… yes, I am having exams and yes, it is tomorrow.

Blah. I tell you, procrastinating is an art and I refuse to die until it is appreciated. Aaanyway, without further ado… Oh look a chicken! (Man, am I good in distracting people or what?)

My Water Moments with Sony TX5

According to this website (attempting to get extra points through referral of suggested link… check); the Sony TX5 has these features:

The compact Cyber-shot TX5 is built to be water-, shock-, dust- and temperature-proof! With features like Intelligent Sweep Panorama, Handheld Twilight and Anti-motion blur, TX5 give you the photographic power to shoot in style whenever, wherever.

• Water-proof (up to 3 meters)

• Handheld Twilight

• Intelligent Sweep Panorama

• “Exmor R” CMOS Sensor

• BIONZ Image Processor

• 25mm wide angle Carl Zeiss® Vario-Tessar lens

After you’ve read that and realise it’s actually in English (I know, right?) it’s basically telling us that thing is waterproof and has uh… Panorama Twilight Emo thingy.

…Oh look there goes my chances of winning.

Right. Focus. So these lil’ nifty gadgets could actually… *refers back to linked page* Ooh I see a pretty girl on the site… (Clever ruse to get you guys to refer back to link and have my craftiness acknowledged by prospective judges… check) and… what the fishes in the sea–

RM1499?!

Shoot wait that’s not helping. Turning on businessman mode.

So with the beautiful images, even in low light, natural and vibrant images, realistic photos with excellent contrast, it can capture perfect twilight shots while also being water, temperature, dust and shock proof.

Like, exclamation mark to the power of infinity.

You can also take effortless panoramic photos, clear and sharp images in low light environment and like, take 10 photos in 1 second… (See, in 1 second I’m not even finished with inhaling oxygen, so like, makes it so much the cooler to the max. Oh em geeee. Kyaa. Etc… What? Fine I’m turning off air-head teenage talk).

And what do you mean I took the promotional descriptions word per word from the linked website?! I so didn’t! These are my brilliantly original worded opinions! Man I can’t believe you would– Okay maybe I did… Oh my god look at that pen on the floor!

But seriously, there is a pretty girl on that site.

Hah! Made you click again!

SO uhh, I guess the price is justified. Last time I bought a camera, it costed me RM800, was only 5 megapixels, a garrish red, took very bad photos and broke within a year. Oh and so not water proof. How could I have lived in the absence of a water proof camera!? Think of all the camwhoring I could’ve done while taking a bath! One gets very much pissed when one thinks of these lost opportunities.

So yeah, in retrospect, RM 1499 ain’t too bad. I’m willing to put my 50 future camwhore-in-bath tub photos on that.

Right. Focus take two. Here’s the awesomely awesome creative picture I’m pretty sure has the highest likelihood of impressing the judges;

OOPS WRONG PICTURE!!! (Appeal to the male judges… check)

ANOTHER WRONG PICTURE MY BAD!!! And no I did not “accidentally” put that up to appeal to possibly female judges and their weakness for babies, diapers and ridiculous baby expressions. Such atrocious accusations… because this is what would actually appeal to them;

Yeah baby! Brb wiping drool.

Jokes aside (So what did the chicken say to the butterfly? HAHAHAHA… lame), here’s my most memorable “water” (sorry… I can’t resist this but… CUE MORE COUGHING) moments.

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

BOOYA!

But you know, I’m telling you, that’s just like, sea water. The tide got way high and I failed to see it coming, and then ka-boom! (Splash might be a more appropriate sound effect, but so not as cool and shut up you’re reading my blog) me pants got wet. :(

I didn’t bring spare clothes and the apartment was a 20 minutes walking distance away. It was embarassing to walk around having “looked like” you just peed. If I had a water-proof camera, I could’ve walked further into the sea and start snapping away, in the hopes of having people think that I’m a semi-serious photographer (because semi-serious photographers tend to own DSLRs or water-proof cameras) and look all cool and shit ’cause I’m trying to get awesome pictures of the sea since I have an awesome SONY TX5 (I know, cheap shot)… instead of looking like the dope who got too excited when she saw the sea and started running into an oncoming tide that gave her several embarassing moments later.

Or you know, I could’ve taken an embarassing picture of the person who took my embarassing picture (without worrying about dropping the camera into the water).

Damn you Nurisya. Damn you to… ooh love your hair.

More pictures (just because):

Note: If I had that blasted Sony TX5 I could’ve taken the underwater version of these faux-paparazzi shots… and yes, I am terribly mortified with the fact that I’m related to them.

God knows how much I miss you guys. :(

Oh btw, since I’m currently in London, I’m gonna change the title of this post to;

My Wa’er Moments Hidy-Ho, Top o’ the mornin’, Earl Gray Tea, Bo’el of Wa’er

(So getting extra points on creativity. La’er people).

Written by aziemah

June 12, 2010 at 7:14 am

Posted in Uncategorized