My truly, dearest CBA.

CBA hath cometh!

CBA stands for Crazy Bitch-Ass friend.

HI BALQIS! :D

March Pimpin’

It’s my desktop for March. Yes I procrastinate so much that even doing something I actually enjoy is delayed by 23 days.

I can’t wait for April and re-pimpin’ of the desktop! Of course, it would probably be done sometime around July. Don’t hold your breath (‘Cause you’ll die! :D).

Of Camwhore and Bedroom Pictures

(It’s my 6th or March entry, but I’m only posting it today because… well because I’m a procrastinator. :P Something for you to read, Nurisya. I tried to add pictures so it won’t be a boring post as usual.)

It’s my first day staying alone at Elephant and Castle. I should go out and enjoy the nice weather and all (I think it’s around 7°C now or something) but then I have to like, go out. And… like… walk. Dear God how exhausting that would be.

Did go out earlier today though, bought some groceries. If you call instant waffles, cereal, milk, bread and jam as groceries. But then again they are, just not of the “fresh” and “raw” variety. But wait! I did get FRESH milk! Now I suppose I’m just missing the “raw”. Do not ‘tsk tsk’ me just yet, talented-in-cooking yet judgmental people.

Check out what I got:

Groceries at Tesco:
Maryland Chocolate Chip Cookies (150g)	0.44
McVities Waffles (8 pieces)	0.75
McVities Ginger Nuts (300g)	0.91
2 Bags of Apple and Custard filled Doughnuts (10 pieces)	1.00
Onken Yogurt (Wholegrain Strawberry)	1.00
KingsMill Soft Bread (800g)	1.22
Aero Mint Chocolate drink (288g)	1.50
FRESH (noted) Milk (6 pints)	2.25
Kellogg’s Crunchy Nut Cornflakes (750g)	2.79
	11.86

My room comes with my own fridge! Hello sedentary lifestyle~

Why the overly detailed list? The weight, number of pieces and even brand names of the product? Well if you must know I’m a very meticulous and conscientious person as a whole… and also goddamn as hell bored right now. It’s nice to find out that there’s a Tesco, Asda, Currys, Argos and Lidl all within walking distance from my place though.

It does feel different when you’re staying alone. I guess that’s why when people camwhore, they only plaster their faces on 80% of picture space (20% hair. The percentage is reversed with emo kids though). They’re alone and bored. :<

Now I can empathise… Not.

I did camwhore though, and now I’m gonna show off the haircut I got a month ago (I actually LOOK like a girl now OMGZORZZZ) and the accessories I wear to lessen the confusion concerning my gender. And also my kickass new glasses which my sister helped choose. For some reason, the things she helps me buy gets complimented a lot and the things I buy myself… well… let’s change the topic…

(I was actually stopped twice by two girls, one of them I suspect is Nigerian and the other unknown, telling me they love my hairstyle. Score! I did skimp on the info that I never brush my hair and woke up late so I didn’t have time to look in the mirror though…)

Because I’m so bored, I’m just gonna show you my room. And to whomever I omitted in informing this particular crucial information… did you know, that… I BOUGHT COOLZ0RZ DUVET AND PILLOW COVERS WAIT TILL YOU SEE THEM OMG SQUEAAAAL.

Awesome pillow sheet and duvet cover.

Omg squeal.

Edit: Forgot to add the desk.

Here’s the view I’m gonna be taking in everyday while I’m here:

It was around 3-ish.

Somewhat foreboding... I wonder how it looks like in spring and autumn.

Finally, the camwhore pics :P

Oops wrong pictures.

Why does my hair look so messy? Well I believe it’s called STYLE, you lesser informed beings… and I just woke up from a nap. A STYLISH nap.

Moving on… accessories!

Balqis got me these, and at a hefty RM30++, despite my begging her not to waste money unnecessarily. Unless to buy food and gadgets. The general rule of the universe states that it’s okay to waste money unnecessarily on food and gadgets.

Thanks Balqis, I never take them off, as unhygienic and disgusting as that sounds. :D

Oh wait, I took them off to take a proper picture of the pair.

Let me rephrase: Thanks Balqis, I did at least take them off once, now aren’t I the most clean and hygienic human being you know? :D

Next, my fishbone and dunno-what’s-it-called necklace.

Never took these off as well. Notice the two rings? It wasn’t part of the necklace originally, I just added them for good measure. In case this sort of scenario happens:

“Oh my god! I have thus punched two holes into 5 sheets of papers and I refuse to staple them together and wrinkle theses pristine and crease-free papers! Whatever shall I do?”

“Why, you can use paper clips!”

“Oh heavens no! That would not penetrate the fragile papers, but it would have them creased a bit from the pressure exerted unto the paper by the miniscule yet deceivingly sturdy paper clips!”

“Why, fear not, folly humans! For I, Aziemah, am wearing two paper rings on my necklace! You can actually USE them as like, rings around that like, little hole thingies. Your worries are no more! Obliterated! Extinguished! Eliminated! Wait let me check the thesaurus!”

“Oh thank you sage Aziemah! For this, I owe you my soul!”

Hahahahahahahahaha… …I need a life.

But yeah, they’re paper rings. Who knows I might be in dire need of ‘em one day (READ ABOVE SCENARIO) and it would be just so frustrating that I’m not in possession of one at that very moment I would commit suicide or something. You know…

Just in case.

Last, me glasses.

My WTF expression:

I think I naturally look like this.

That’s all, I’m not so bored now. Just downloaded another episode of House. Bye people who must be more bored than I am for visiting this space! I bet your life sucks so much more yay! :D

Cruising the bandwagon.

Don’t read this. It’s just me ranting to myself.

I’ve never been a phone person. It just never made sense to me to pay over RM1000 or RM2000 for a phone with (seemed at the time, owing to slow-moving technology) measly features. They were merely playthings for the insanely rich or those stupid enough to get sucked in by the ‘I’m-the-most-technologically-up-to-date-person-in-the-world-take-that-bwahahahaha!!’ hype. You’re paying RM2000 for 3.2mp camera (and this is PHONE quality camera, dubious as it is already) slow processing speed and a general feeling of frustration at how small, albeit portable the all-in-one device is. Oh yeah, you also get to call and receive calls as an added feature or something.

That’s what you get in a phone roughy equivalent to the price of a laptop with decent specs and don’t get me started on the messy placement of all the trinkets of program goodies they offer and how useless they actually are.

Men might whine and bitch about how superficial women are, how shallow and vain we can be (and I sort of agree…) though ironically, they’re the ones most inclined to buy expensive phones like how women would save up to buy that leather Gucci bag or Prada heels. Basically they’re paying for something that looks nice, but are overpriced and in my opinion, shittier than shit. Sounds familiar *cough*Apple products*cough*? I guess the Adam Apple didn’t fall too far from the Eve tree, huh?

…Okay that idiom made no sense whatsoever.

Anyhoo, Nokia N series, anyone?

Pick one... then proceed to smash it into tiny pieces (like your brain).

That was roughly over a year ago.

Now, phone technology has grown exponentially at an alarming rate.

…Just kidding. It’s still much too slow for me but for a device that fits in your pocket I guess that’s justified. There have been notable improvements. Camera specs on phones are now like, what? 10mp? (Although is still only as good as a 3.2mp actual camera, not to mention slow shutter speed. This is looking at you, Sony) 16gigs internal memory? Touch-pad functionality with basic PC functions packaged in small, kick-ass designs?

I know what you’re thinking when I’m talking about high-end phones that look nice.

It’s the iPhone isn’t it?

Hehehehe

We first saw the iPhone on June 29, 2007 and man what bullshit that was. As everyone raved about how Steve Jobs captured the essence of the future and our symbiotic relationship with technology (while polluting the malleable minds of children and turning them into rabid Apple fanboys, making Apple fanatism… or Apple-ism, if you may, into a religion akin to Scientology. Maybe we should call it Apple-ology… or Apology. Yeah that’s right, Apple-ologise for your bad taste, Steve Job ass-kissers!), the Apple market share rose to high quarters. They stole over a quarter of Nokia’s market share (and we’re talking about the biggest magnate in the phone market, it’s still an impressive feat now), despite being still in the early stages of penetration. No, not that sort of penetration you cyber geeks.

I think the proper graph title is 'Rising Levels of Gullible Fanboys'

And this was just one phone. Apple’s first phone. Of course, the sales are highly attributed to the success of their top-selling range of media players. So much so that by 2008, they surpassed the sales of BlackBerry phones, is now the third largest mobile phone manufacturer after Nokia and Samsung and represents 39% of Apple’s total quarterly revenues within the fourth fiscal quarter of the previous year.

Impressive, huh?

But, I will say this more than once, and with full conviction every time that I do: the iPhone is the shit. At the price they were selling, only idiots would buy it. If you were only considering to buy it, it’s excusable. It is a nice little piece of eye-candy. Though seeing at how steeply priced it is, I’m better off buying a kidney at the black-market for just-in-case emergencies. Just-in-case I had to sell a kidney to afford an iPhone. Plus, the functions hardly justify the outrageous price range, it scratches way too easily, is too big for the average-sized pockets and like it or not, iPod’s products have always been very fragile… Okay maybe not the newer models but Apple is still the suck.

But there was a positive outcome. Other phone brands have started bucking up ever since Apple swayed their strong foothold on their own backyard. For Nokia, Samsung, Motorola and Sony Erricson, phones are their main product range, their bread and butter, and Steve Blow-Job managed to steal their niche with an EXTENSION of his main product range. It’s probably just added jam for him.

Ouch.

Notice the booming proliferation of fully touch-screen phones in the market? Yeah me neither was too busy paying attention to the more important, less time-wasting things in life.

Like anime and video games.

Step-by-step, they emulated the iPhone and actually made their own statements. Not too long after, step-by-step they’re overshadowing the iPhone and by mid-year we’d see a complete obliteration of the old and in with the new; actual decent phones at decent prices.

The iPhone might look sleek and slim to some, since Apple creations are heavily Zen-based (sure the MacBook Air was ultra slim but needing an external optical drive? WTF? Any idiots out there who actually bought one?) but it’s still trippy to me. A fully touch-functioning screen is impractical since battery usage is multiplied and the iPhone’s battery life is nothing to shout over the roof tops about, an insufficient processing speed renders it a bit patience-consuming and sometimes, more accessibility in the form of attached buttons or hell, touch buttons if you so please around the peripheral edges of the phone would be quite welcomed.

The level of Consumer Stupidity aka Apple Product Purchase

Somehow, I believe someone listened to telekinetic waves of my brain (fully utilised for whining about stuff, specifically the stupidity of the gullible targets pulled in by elitist marketing hype. This is looking at you, Apple fanboys) and produced this;

SO much funner than looking at clothes or shoes...

The Sony Xperia X1.

When I first held it, I was transfixed. It felt so slight in my hands, almost unnoticeable.  It slid out smoothly and underneath were four rows of QWERTY keyboards, all decently spaced unlike most of the keyboard-added phones around. It felt expensive and wasn’t too heavy, despite being made of metal and not the cheap-feeling plastic casements Nokia’s known for. The screen opens to a slight arc, for ease in viewing (I always wondered why most phones with QWERTY keyboards were made flat. Do we type on laptops with the screen on the same level as the keyboards?).

Few examples.

It also boasts an 800 by 480 resolution with such impressive screen clarity that it’s all the reviews talk about.

It’s breathtakingly beautiful.

It was also released few months back and now costs around £450 or so – that’s exactly half a kidney. I was looking up for deals online, covering the phone service providers of O2, Orange, Vodafone, 3, Dolphine and others. The best thus far was O2, with a £30 per month offer (£15 for the first 9 months, saving me up to £135), bound to a two-year contract and with a service offer of 600 minutes call and unlimited texts to any network. It was a sweet deal and I was rearing and gearing to get it once I opened a bank account… until I chanced upon another phone:

The Nokia 5800 Xpress Music.

I was intrigued first by the matching bluetooth headphones (£59) and trying it on, I was floored. The sound quality was better than any Phillips headphones I’ve ever owned and after notching up the phone’s bass enhancements, I was in a different world. Not only was it cordless (Bluetooth, duh), it had practical media control and volume buttons over the right ear piece. After that, I did the obligatory foray into the unknown and I found the phone very satisfactory indeed. Fully touch-screen, it has a QWERTY touchpad (a very non-annoying one, much unlike iPhone’s) in addition to the usual phone button pads and very practical and easy-to-use handwriting recognition technology. The response time was also much, much, MUCH better than the iPhone. Unfortunately, it has no slide-out QWERTY keyboard unlike the Xperia and not as slim as I would’ve liked it (owing to the absence of a slide-out keyboard) but I figured, with such amazing headphones it’s not much of a hindrance. In fact, I was already thinking of just utilising the handwriting magic software the phone has, which showed a drastic improvement from their previous P9 PDA ranges.

It was around £200 (phone only) and under an 18-months contract with Orange, it could be mine for a monthly £20 with offers of 400 minute calls to other network, unlimited calls to Orange networks and unlimited texts to any network… and best of all, free unlimited internet. The owner of the phone told me that this particular model was sold out on the first day of its release date. On the AFTERNOON of the first day of its release date all over UK. The iPhone didn’t fare that well. People queued up for it eye-bags and all, sure, but it wasn’t sold out.

Take that, Steve Jobs! …Man do I have a personal vendetta against him or what.

Right. Maybe I’m less certain now about my decision to get an Xperia. To qualm my anxiety (This would be the first time I’d buy my own phone with enhanced functions) I’ll just look up for more comparisons on the net (though since Xperia is more of a PDA phone and the Nokia 5800 is media-based, I’m comparing Apples and Oranges here… Or O2 and Oranges… hahaha… LAUGH, DAMNIT) and just make a decision then. Unfortunately, not soon after a new player came to town. The phone owner told me this was just his play phone, his secondary one as he waited for the release of another;

The N97 (due the first half of 2009).

It’s much like the 5800 though slightly wider (Duh, slide-out QWERTY), boasting the mark of being the phone with the biggest touch-screen space to date, and… okay I’ll let google do the talking:

• Touch display (3.5″ of it) which slides and tilts to reveal a full QWERTY kepboard plus d-pad for easy navigation.
• 5 Megapixel Camera
• Carl Zeiss integrated optics coupled with a dual LED flash
• A massive 32GB of internal memory with MicrSD support for further memory expansion
• Integrated Assisted GPS
• WiFi and HSDPA
• DVD quality video capture and 16:9 display

Curious now? Here’s a teaser:

I was told (and it was later verified by my well-informed friend the internet) that if the previous 5800 Xpress Music is a close contender to the iPhone (damnit, stupid iPhone. Why must we call it THE iPhone. Why?!), dubbed the iPhone rival, the N97 is called the iPhone killer.

Checking online, the tentative price tag was £700 and that’s 1/3rd of a kidney. But it’s such a sweet phone and I won’t rest easy if I get a phone lesser than this one. However, if I were to be more fussy about it, I’d probably point out that the keyboards do not have the Xperia’s practical and ingenious key placements that almost replicates the real thing.

Now I have three options. £30/month for the Sony Xperia X1, £20/month for the Nokia 5800 Xpress Music or wait it out for a good (though exorbitantly priced) contract offer for the Nokia 97.

…I have thus made my decision. I am taking this one:

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DAMN YOU TECHNOLOGY!@#$%^&*()

This is my fresh new start.

“Is there anything wrong? You seem awfully quiet…”

I’d usually get that a lot when I’m out with others, and most of the time I’d be wondering why. I suppose when interacting with my friends, I’d be the loud and boisterous one, trying to crack funny jokes while making a fool of myself. And now, it’s come to the point where my silence is something to be concerned about.

How did that happen?

I don’t remember being lively when I was younger or even when I was in high school. I love going home after school and just messing with the computer, never accepting any invitations to go out or have fun and just spend the whole day with myself. I had more internet friends than any real friends. I was the typical computer addict, downloading pirate, cyber geek.

Come college, I had to stay in a cramped room with 7 others and initially, I hated it. I pretended to like it and tried to be friendly with them, and surprisingly it came with ease. Social venture was apparently a natural thing to me. Soon, I found myself liking these people, even admiring them to a certain extent. I had more than 5 close friends at a time and it was new. Still, I missed my recluse days.

Days segued into months, and subsequently years and my circle grew larger. I had a lot of close friends and a staggering number of acquaintances (those I would strike up a lively conversation with, and yet would always feel an encompassing distance to them, despite the affable interaction). I’d be going out often, though not exactly to party into the night and come home a drunken mess. One still has to choose one’s crowd. I wondered if as they say, college has changed me. Growing up made me a different person. I was apt to swallow those words, until I realised one key fact: I still missed spending time with just myself.

It’s fun being with other people, yeah. I found out there are other ways to interact other than being sarcastic or cynical and I’d like to think they softened me up, like melted butter on a hot pan. I can sincerely emphatise with people’s concerns, and not just fake it because I’m obliged by societal rules. I became less judgmental, more compassionate and even more (earnestly) sensitive to other people’s worries.

But I still missed being with me.

Is it so much to ask for, then, that I might find the same solitude that was exclusively mine and mine alone two years ago here in London?

I love London.

London is beautiful! Simply magnificent and with such panoramic views! I love it more and more.

Here’s a picture that encapsulates the breathtaking elegance of this resplendent country:

Such beauty brings tears to my eyes...

Ahh London…

Seroja, the cat that I wanted to name Blu-Ray instead.

Anyone missed me while I went MIA?

No one?

Really?

Screw you I hope you get cancer.

So… Sorry for the lack of updates… and here is where I give you an excuse about being swamped with things to do, enjoying life, lacking inspiration, have exams coming up or not having proper connection et al. Choose whichever that the last 5 blogs you visited didn’t use, it would certainly give me points on originality.

Dyjae and Balqis suggested that I should probably write on a particular incident that happened approximately two months ago. It involved an exploded abdomen, exposed flesh spared of profuse bleeding brimming with balls of puss and possible infection of the gastrointestinal tract.

I promise you this would be good.

But first, I should probably prelude this post with a caveat to some:

Warning: This Post is not for the faint of heart. If you are not accustomed to seeing grotesque stuff I redirect you here instead. If you are of 13 years of age and younger, and have gratuitously conditioned yourself to the likes of the horrific and terrifying talentless Jonas Brothers, High School Musical and Miley Cyrus, then I congratulate you on having the stomach of a surgeon. You brave warriors may tread on.

But first, a little personal plea from me:

God have mercy on us all...

Moving on.

The general population, meet Seroja the cat:

Seroja, the cat.

Seroja the cat, the general population:

The General Population, roughly.

At least we have opposable thumbs.

You know, dogs aren’t the only animal species capable of doing tricks. For instance, I taught Seroja to play dead.

Good kitty!

Alright, now you're just getting cocky.

We picked her up from Seroja the college. Anyway, I’ve decided on a reward-based incentive to a simple trivia. Whoever can guess where the cat’s name is inspired from gets to inhale free oxygen for the rest of their living days. I’ll even pitch in free nitrogen. I tell you, this is a tough one.

UiTM is just full of geniuses.

I was bunking at Dyjae’s room and freeloading her stash of food when I noticed it was standing in front of the door. When I went to it and bowed to pat it, I spotted from my peripheral vision a huge, gaping wound that had globs of puss deep it its recesses. Of course, I jumped in fright, panicked a bit and incoherently told Fatin who just got back from the showers what I just saw. Then I proceeded to re-enter the room and eat more of Dyjae’s chocolate crackers.

Later that night, while freeloading at Balqis’ place and eating her Dahfa Fish snacks, I mentioned the cat’s wound to Balqis so she wouldn’t much realise that I was dwindling her food stash err I mean because I was deeply anxious for the feline’s condition. Getting worked up, Balqis laid out plans for some of us to use her car to drive it to the Government Vet’s. Due to certain reasons (mostly because I was afraid of Balqis who would 100% guaranteed choose the cat’s life over mine) we then had to go to a private clinic.

It was… interesting.

Oxymoron of the day: Governmental efficiency.

Apparently, stupid Government Vet Lady didn’t much know what she was talking about. The condition that the cat suffered was apparently a rather common one, the third most common cancer suffered by cats, most recurrent in female felines.

Quite literally, milk accumulated in her mammary glands. The milk went sour, became a festive ground for bacteria, her mammary glands (titties) hardened, grew bigger and swollen and exploded (This part of the process is not to be confused by another, um, self-gratifying process).

It’s called feline mastitis.

Feline-Mass-Titties. Get it? Get it?! God I’m hilarious.

And once again, we the public are so ever impressed by the admirable sagacity and wisdom portrayed by the Government sector. Anyway, the treatment set us back about RM100 and we spent another RM100 when the cat suddenly became weak again after a week’s treatment in Dyjae’s room. That’s RM200 we spent on the cat, not to mention that additionally, we’d have to keep her in sterile conditions because having her wound getting infected is the cause of a slow, agonizingly painful death.

This is about a week after bringing her to the vet:

No more blood and puss, darn.

This picture was taken after her wound was cleaned and she was admitted for a day at the vet’s (I didn’t want you losing your lunch). This was two weeks:

The wound still feels sticky when you touch it, hehe. Fun.

Shout-outs.

In which I’d now like to thank Dyjae, Izzati, Fatin and her senior whom had patiently endured the cat’s constant yowling and desperate-for-attention bouts. I’d also like to apologise to Dyjae’s neighbours whom had patiently endured the cat’s nightly cacophony of noises (except for this one particular short, chubby girl who gave me the dirty look when I tended to the cat outside).

Screw you, fat chubby girl. You know what I hope you would get!

Also, another shout-out to Lily for not minding when the cat used her textbook as kitty litter.

I'd rather not talk about Lily right now. Or ever.

Finally, mad props to Balqis and her family for (Well, obviously not for choosing the cat’s life over me. I am hurt. HURT) keeping the cat at home for a month during the convalescence period. Now she’s completely healed, obese (Good job Balqis. Death due to wound infection avoided, now we just have to worry about the cat dying of a heart attack) and is one of the most pampered cat I’ve seen.

Balqis, I’ll forever remember your fervent attitude in taking care of the cat, and your compassionate nature of always putting it ahead of so many other things…

I feel the love.

Now the cat’s staying in Seroja, we brought it back about a week ago. And this particular incident that happened, is one of the creepiest experience, I kid you not.

*Nightmare on Elm Street music playing*

I don’t have a recent picture but there’s no open wound anymore, just a small scar where it used to be and where’s the fun in that? The only cool thing about the cat now is that it only has 7 nipples. Or 5… Wait how many nipples do cats have in total?

Anyway… good luck with feeding the cat now Balqis. You are such an animal lover and may God smile upon your blessed soul as you personally take care of His wounded creatures while I… uh… give non-monetary moral support from afar.

Nighty night, Seroja.

Have fun on Izzati's bed!

I’m a woman of class

Single flight from Melbourne to Goldcoast… RM839

Service Apartment rent within walking distance from the beach… RM800

Complete meals… RM200

Peeing your pants at a scenic beach in Goldcoast…

Priceless.

This post is dedicated to you, Nurisya. Miss ya. :D

Camwhore time!

It’s camwhore time!

Relish this rare occurrence people, I only do crazy shit when final exams are coming up. I think it’s a disorder.

Remember when I said I bought feminine clothes? Never quite used ‘em, but hey there’s always the future. I’m not ready to wear them yet, but since I got a new camera, I’m guess I’m going to…

NOT take pictures of them! Yay!

Instead, you guys are getting a list of my favourite clothes. Maynard, don’t judge me. :<

Source: Gift from Auntie Khathijah;

Brand: ROMP

Very comfortable, and I like the colour. It even complements the toiletries accidentally captured in the picture as well.

Source: Gift from Mak Long;

Brand: Dolce and Gabbana

I like to pretend I’m badass when I wear it… you can actually see that for yourself… plztoignorethesyoksendiriexpressiononmaifacekthxbai.

Source: My late father got it for me;

Brand: MNG

Very the suitable for chilly weather because it’s very the hot when you wear it. So much so that no way in hell am I going to camwhore in it in a non air-conditioned room anymore…

Source: Another one from my late father;

Brand: MNG

Thinner than the last one, in fact so very thin I suspect it’s just for show. But I LOVE how it brings out the bathtub! Such elegant hues!

Source: Gift from my younga sista who got it from my olda sistah;

Brand: Glassons

I just like hoodie sweaters. I think anyone who wears hoodie sweaters looks cool, unless it sports patterns of skulls and crossbones and/or embarrassing toiletries in the background. In my case however, the cheap shampoo and generic body shampoo is an… artistic addition.

Most favourite;

Source: Gift from ma olda sistah;

Brand: Cotton Concept

The lining inside is ultra soft. It serves its purpose as a sweater rather well too, by, get this, WARMING ME UP! I know! I mean, who actually uses sweaters for that purpose. Hello, it’s just for fashion, d-uh~!

Least liked:

Source: Bought during a clothes shopping spree with Mak Long;

Brand: Agenda

It’s in the favourite list because it’s simple, cotton-y and white. However, if you take notice, all the previous clothes were gotten for free. I paid for this one myself. :P

It’s RM49, the price of a 4GB pendrive… So yeah, least favourite-ted.

If I ever make this my Friendster, Myspace or Facebook profile picture, please kill me.

I know I have less than two weeks before my finals are up, but I have done next to none studying… Currently praying for God not to give me great scores, but at least some motivation or incentive to study.

Pray for me, slaves fellow peers I duly respect and admire.

Social Networking Websites; The Human Devolution Theory

“Liek, ow mai gawd, you don’t have Facebook yet?! Liek, lame! Keep up with the times, gurl!”

Oh.

Dear.

Fucking.

Lord.

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

For some reason, this shitfaced species we call the human race (They’re even on top of the friggin’ food-chain. How did that happen?) has been bequeathed this rare and unique talent – Probably inherent since the days of Genesis. It’s called immense fuckardation and I’ll be glad to introduce to you this term;

Fucktard:

“A combination of “fucking” and “retard”. Usually reserved for instances when either of the previous two insults are simply not enough. Otherwise known as a George Bush.”

– EncyclopediaDramatica.com

Fucktardation:

“A highly undesirable circumstance; the state in which fucktards are doomed to continually exist. Paradoxically, fucktards (consciously or unconsciously) also perpetuate the state of fucktardation everywhere they go. Thus, the fucktard essentially functions as a living virus of fucktardation.”

– UrbanDictionary.com

Social networking sites have been going round, running rampant and spreading its ill-gotten influence to the youths of my generation. We’re proud of our hip-hop trend, sexed-up music videos and muse-filled, deep lyrics of sex, Paris Hilton and booty-shakin’. What’s new-age and modernisation without the texture and jiggle-capacity of Spears’ ass, you tell me. Of course, the mega-commercialised cyber based industries find much appreciation from the artistic roots we have cultured and they have harvested it anew; by the introduction of Friendster, Myspace and Facebook.

In 2006, after much current-trend-and-teen-culture ignoring, I did some heavy online socialising. I mean, if I neglected the real live version of this like, “socialising” thing, I should probably practice on the the online version of the “game” to brush up on reality.

A bit disappointed by the lack of casual killing and non-consequential violence though.

Friendster

Friendster was introduced in 2002, way back in the day. I opened an account before it became the rage thanks to Yee June but soon forgot I had one.

I’d never have doubted my generation if it weren’t for my exposure to Friendster. However, it did have its leet factor. With the implementation of the 6-Degrees Separation Theory, I managed to cyber-bump into Primary School classmates and patch things up again with old rivals. It was also a very economic way of getting in touch with friends you’ve just made, yet are still unwilling to part with sacred Prepaid Credit for just yet.

What grated my nerves was that when individual customisation of profile pages became possible, suddenly personalising your profile with epilepsy-inspired colours, personality-embodying music and statement-shouting banners using scripts or dumbefied web programs specifically written for the tech-challenged makes you the equivalent of a genius programmer. Basic knowledge in photo editing also deems you a master-level Photoshop user, where you exhibit your talent by adjusting your pictures to ridiculous brightness and contrast levels to hide the acne and blemishes on that deformed feature we call your face.

And you know we love the generic, death-to-grammer-and-spelingz captions as well.

Usually further creativity is showcased by taking your picture in various angles so as to hide certain unattractive features. The more creative breed would set the picture in black and white while covering their faces with their two-pound-hair-gel hair to catch the emo, angst-filled and burning-with-passion soul entrapped in that misunderstood, tortured shell of a life.

There are other things to nitpick on as well:

Testimonial boards become inbox for personal messages, with people informing the whole world about your credence and respectability by going “Yo dude. Sup? I’m fine, yo.” and “Apa KhaBar HehEHEee.. I lUv ur ProF PiC…”

Bulletins become the outflow of your inspirational messages that goes like; “I Am BoReD!!11!” or “I LuV <3 <3 My PinKy PoOo~~”

The race for presumed social superiority contends how many friends (or random strangers, lurking paedophiles, whatever. Makes no difference nowadays) you’ve managed to get ahold of, and how skilled you are in maintaining multiple Friendster account at one time because you have the special skillz of clicking the mouse and locating the “Add as Friend button”, and why waste such talent? The amount of “thx 4 da add!!!” testimonials you get is proportionate to the awesomeness you have and an endless list of friends is a public testament to your socialite self and party-bumpin’ ways.

You might think it doesn’t get worse, but it does. The problem compounded further when the internet bore fruit to a new, blue-clad offspring.

Myspace

Soon in 2003 Myspace popped up like a new resilient breed of weed, strengthening my unfulfilled dream to have humankind castrated. I understood, from what my friend June informed me, that it was a music-based Social Networking Website. Fans of alternative and original music, with artists trying to make it big with original lyrics and actual instrument-playing, found in it their escapist haven. I opened an account and also soon forgot I owned one, probably because it was just too lame for me.

Or that I only had one friend…

The concept of Myspace I deemed ingenious, and people like June highly appreciated the incentive to music lovers like herself. A new change from the blare of “I’ll never breaaaaaak youuur heart,” or “Oops, I did it again!” from mainstream radio stations. It’s just not everyone’s cup of tea, especially not those with IQ points higher than pre-pubescent 12 year old girls.

I soon lost respect when, years later, I met a friend’s relative at a social gathering who actually talked to me (Note to self: Never do that mouth-movement thing at social gatherings. Actual sound comes out and people think you actually want to… talk) and says this;

You have Friendster? Oh of course you do. Everyone does, it’s so over-rated. You should open a Myspace account. Oh? You DO have a Myspace account? Wow, and I thought like, so very few Malaysians have it! It’s like, virtually unknown!”

I don’t think I needed to ask her if she had an account.

My second encounter with the Race of Stupid (They prefer the Homosapien nomenclature) was this:

“Friendster is so stupid,” says a person whom I was beginning to think highly of after that initial statement, “Myspace is the way to go! Don’t these losers get it?” she continues with her shit-for-brains self.

As the changing of seasons come and go, and by that I mean as we experience perpetual rain and shine in our tropical country and still have people fashioning fashion faux pas like wool scarves or snowcaps in public, trends, with its dynamic nature, naturally follows suit. Everyone shifted to Myspace, though maintained their Friendster account still, adding friends they’ve already enlisted in one of the accounts to the other and pretty much committed to the aforementioned idiocy I mentioned above. Only this time, simple maths tells us it’s doubled

Oh joy.

Thus, we managed to turn a profound idea into another plaything for the brain-dead. Nothing new, nothing new. What was new is embodied by the neoteric essence in creative, photo-snapping technique popularly termed “The Myspace Angles”.

Myspace Angles:

When the camera is placed above your head at an angle to take a myspace picture.
This is usually done by the horribly mangled, ugly, and/or obese users who still want to be hunted by pedophiles, as to make them look more attractive (or at the very least more human) than they really are.

– UrbanDictionary.com

After finally getting the hang of it, I stopped thinking that this extension of new-things-teenagers-come-up-with-which-haven’t-killed-them-in-the-proces-dotdotdot-yet wouldn’t bind me in surprise anymore but I was proven wrong.

Facebook

Facebook is relatively new to me, though I realised it gave birth to a new breed of elitism.

“You know, Friendster is so annoying. I am so annoyed by all that colours! And the music! That’s why Facebook is so much cooler, it’s for the more matured society.”

“Facebook is for adults, those annoying teenagers are still playing around with Friendster and Myspace. You should join Facebook, the others are for kids.”

I succumbed, but only because my cousin managed to persuade me to. Out of the 10535 earlier attempts by others, she’s the only who managed to convert this unbeliever. Of course, I’m preferring Facebook from the rest currently, but I’ve only started out and have rarely been toying with it, so I can’t tell you much. Though I can tell you that I’m expecting another steep downgrade in the wire installation within the human brain circuit.

And that’s the optimistic view.

Interesting stuff I dug out on Friendster, Myspace and Facebook:

This is thanks to my cursory glance over Wikipedia extensive research for the purpose of getting the facts straight.

1. Friendster was founded in March 2002, Myspace in August 2003. Facebook actually started out in February 2004 but was made public in September 2005.

2. Friendster has more than 85 million members worldwide, and is most popular in Asia, especially the Philippines with estimate figures of over 90% of internet users in Philippines having an account. They rack in 39% of the site’s traffic.

3. Myspace is probably the most controversy-filled and media-covered of the three.

Myspace parties have received front page news from the events of gatecrashed Myspace parties, seeing as news of the party can be spread to uninvited guests via newsfeeds. These are the few:

• A party hosted by Corey Delaney, a 16-year-old boy from Narre Warren in Melbourne, and advertised on MySpace, resulted in 500 people attending. Police cars were attacked, and they called in support, including the dog squad and a helicopter.
• Allen Joplin, a  17-year-old American high school student, was shot dead by an uninvited guest at an underage party after it had been publicized through MySpace.

In June 2006, 16-year-old American Katherine Lester flew to the Middle East, to Tel Aviv, Israel, after having tricked her parents into getting her a passport in order to be with a 20-year-old man she met through MySpace.

In October 2006, 13-year-old Megan Meier committed suicide after being the victim of cyber-bullying instigated by the mother of a friend who had posed as a 16-year old named “Josh Evans”.

In July 2007, the company found and deleted 29,000 profiles belonging to registered sex offenders.

Makes you feel all the more safe, doesn’t it?