Single flight from Melbourne to Goldcoast… RM839

Service Apartment rent within walking distance from the beach… RM800

Complete meals… RM200

Peeing your pants at a scenic beach in Goldcoast…

Priceless.

This post is dedicated to you, Nurisya. Miss ya. :D

It’s camwhore time!

Relish this rare occurrence people, I only do crazy shit when final exams are coming up. I think it’s a disorder.

Remember when I said I bought feminine clothes? Never quite used ‘em, but hey there’s always the future. I’m not ready to wear them yet, but since I got a new camera, I’m guess I’m going to…

NOT take pictures of them! Yay!

Instead, you guys are getting a list of my favourite clothes. Maynard, don’t judge me. :<

Source: Gift from Auntie Khathijah;

Brand: ROMP

Very comfortable, and I like the colour. It even complements the toiletries accidentally captured in the picture as well.

Source: Gift from Mak Long;

Brand: Dolce and Gabbana

I like to pretend I’m badass when I wear it… you can actually see that for yourself… plztoignorethesyoksendiriexpressiononmaifacekthxbai.

Source: My late father got it for me;

Brand: MNG

Very the suitable for chilly weather because it’s very the hot when you wear it. So much so that no way in hell am I going to camwhore in it in a non air-conditioned room anymore…

Source: Another one from my late father;

Brand: MNG

Thinner than the last one, in fact so very thin I suspect it’s just for show. But I LOVE how it brings out the bathtub! Such elegant hues!

Source: Gift from my younga sista who got it from my olda sistah;

Brand: Glassons

I just like hoodie sweaters. I think anyone who wears hoodie sweaters looks cool, unless it sports patterns of skulls and crossbones and/or embarrassing toiletries in the background. In my case however, the cheap shampoo and generic body shampoo is an… artistic addition.

Most favourite;

Source: Gift from ma olda sistah;

Brand: Cotton Concept

The lining inside is ultra soft. It serves its purpose as a sweater rather well too, by, get this, WARMING ME UP! I know! I mean, who actually uses sweaters for that purpose. Hello, it’s just for fashion, d-uh~!

Least liked:

Source: Bought during a clothes shopping spree with Mak Long;

Brand: Agenda

It’s in the favourite list because it’s simple, cotton-y and white. However, if you take notice, all the previous clothes were gotten for free. I paid for this one myself. :P

It’s RM49, the price of a 4GB pendrive… So yeah, least favourite-ted.

If I ever make this my Friendster, Myspace or Facebook profile picture, please kill me.

I know I have less than two weeks before my finals are up, but I have done next to none studying… Currently praying for God not to give me great scores, but at least some motivation or incentive to study.

Pray for me, slaves fellow peers I duly respect and admire.

“Liek, ow mai gawd, you don’t have Facebook yet?! Liek, lame! Keep up with the times, gurl!”

Oh.

Dear.

Fucking.

Lord.

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

For some reason, this shitfaced species we call the human race (They’re even on top of the friggin’ food-chain. How did that happen?) has been bequeathed this rare and unique talent – Probably inherent since the days of Genesis. It’s called immense fuckardation and I’ll be glad to introduce to you this term;

Fucktard:

“A combination of “fucking” and “retard”. Usually reserved for instances when either of the previous two insults are simply not enough. Otherwise known as a George Bush.”

– EncyclopediaDramatica.com

Fucktardation:

“A highly undesirable circumstance; the state in which fucktards are doomed to continually exist. Paradoxically, fucktards (consciously or unconsciously) also perpetuate the state of fucktardation everywhere they go. Thus, the fucktard essentially functions as a living virus of fucktardation.”

– UrbanDictionary.com

Social networking sites have been going round, running rampant and spreading its ill-gotten influence to the youths of my generation. We’re proud of our hip-hop trend, sexed-up music videos and muse-filled, deep lyrics of sex, Paris Hilton and booty-shakin’. What’s new-age and modernisation without the texture and jiggle-capacity of Spears’ ass, you tell me. Of course, the mega-commercialised cyber based industries find much appreciation from the artistic roots we have cultured and they have harvested it anew; by the introduction of Friendster, Myspace and Facebook.

In 2006, after much current-trend-and-teen-culture ignoring, I did some heavy online socialising. I mean, if I neglected the real live version of this like, “socialising” thing, I should probably practice on the the online version of the “game” to brush up on reality.

A bit disappointed by the lack of casual killing and non-consequential violence though.

Friendster

Friendster was introduced in 2002, way back in the day. I opened an account before it became the rage thanks to Yee June but soon forgot I had one.

I’d never have doubted my generation if it weren’t for my exposure to Friendster. However, it did have its leet factor. With the implementation of the 6-Degrees Separation Theory, I managed to cyber-bump into Primary School classmates and patch things up again with old rivals. It was also a very economic way of getting in touch with friends you’ve just made, yet are still unwilling to part with sacred Prepaid Credit for just yet.

What grated my nerves was that when individual customisation of profile pages became possible, suddenly personalising your profile with epilepsy-inspired colours, personality-embodying music and statement-shouting banners using scripts or dumbefied web programs specifically written for the tech-challenged makes you the equivalent of a genius programmer. Basic knowledge in photo editing also deems you a master-level Photoshop user, where you exhibit your talent by adjusting your pictures to ridiculous brightness and contrast levels to hide the acne and blemishes on that deformed feature we call your face.

And you know we love the generic, death-to-grammer-and-spelingz captions as well.

Usually further creativity is showcased by taking your picture in various angles so as to hide certain unattractive features. The more creative breed would set the picture in black and white while covering their faces with their two-pound-hair-gel hair to catch the emo, angst-filled and burning-with-passion soul entrapped in that misunderstood, tortured shell of a life.

There are other things to nitpick on as well:

Testimonial boards become inbox for personal messages, with people informing the whole world about your credence and respectability by going “Yo dude. Sup? I’m fine, yo.” and “Apa KhaBar HehEHEee.. I lUv ur ProF PiC…”

Bulletins become the outflow of your inspirational messages that goes like; “I Am BoReD!!11!” or “I LuV <3 <3 My PinKy PoOo~~”

The race for presumed social superiority contends how many friends (or random strangers, lurking paedophiles, whatever. Makes no difference nowadays) you’ve managed to get ahold of, and how skilled you are in maintaining multiple Friendster account at one time because you have the special skillz of clicking the mouse and locating the “Add as Friend button”, and why waste such talent? The amount of “thx 4 da add!!!” testimonials you get is proportionate to the awesomeness you have and an endless list of friends is a public testament to your socialite self and party-bumpin’ ways.

You might think it doesn’t get worse, but it does. The problem compounded further when the internet bore fruit to a new, blue-clad offspring.

Myspace

Soon in 2003 Myspace popped up like a new resilient breed of weed, strengthening my unfulfilled dream to have humankind castrated. I understood, from what my friend June informed me, that it was a music-based Social Networking Website. Fans of alternative and original music, with artists trying to make it big with original lyrics and actual instrument-playing, found in it their escapist haven. I opened an account and also soon forgot I owned one, probably because it was just too lame for me.

Or that I only had one friend…

The concept of Myspace I deemed ingenious, and people like June highly appreciated the incentive to music lovers like herself. A new change from the blare of “I’ll never breaaaaaak youuur heart,” or “Oops, I did it again!” from mainstream radio stations. It’s just not everyone’s cup of tea, especially not those with IQ points higher than pre-pubescent 12 year old girls.

I soon lost respect when, years later, I met a friend’s relative at a social gathering who actually talked to me (Note to self: Never do that mouth-movement thing at social gatherings. Actual sound comes out and people think you actually want to… talk) and says this;

You have Friendster? Oh of course you do. Everyone does, it’s so over-rated. You should open a Myspace account. Oh? You DO have a Myspace account? Wow, and I thought like, so very few Malaysians have it! It’s like, virtually unknown!”

I don’t think I needed to ask her if she had an account.

My second encounter with the Race of Stupid (They prefer the Homosapien nomenclature) was this:

“Friendster is so stupid,” says a person whom I was beginning to think highly of after that initial statement, “Myspace is the way to go! Don’t these losers get it?” she continues with her shit-for-brains self.

As the changing of seasons come and go, and by that I mean as we experience perpetual rain and shine in our tropical country and still have people fashioning fashion faux pas like wool scarves or snowcaps in public, trends, with its dynamic nature, naturally follows suit. Everyone shifted to Myspace, though maintained their Friendster account still, adding friends they’ve already enlisted in one of the accounts to the other and pretty much committed to the aforementioned idiocy I mentioned above. Only this time, simple maths tells us it’s doubled

Oh joy.

Thus, we managed to turn a profound idea into another plaything for the brain-dead. Nothing new, nothing new. What was new is embodied by the neoteric essence in creative, photo-snapping technique popularly termed “The Myspace Angles”.

Myspace Angles:

When the camera is placed above your head at an angle to take a myspace picture.
This is usually done by the horribly mangled, ugly, and/or obese users who still want to be hunted by pedophiles, as to make them look more attractive (or at the very least more human) than they really are.

– UrbanDictionary.com

After finally getting the hang of it, I stopped thinking that this extension of new-things-teenagers-come-up-with-which-haven’t-killed-them-in-the-proces-dotdotdot-yet wouldn’t bind me in surprise anymore but I was proven wrong.

Facebook

Facebook is relatively new to me, though I realised it gave birth to a new breed of elitism.

“You know, Friendster is so annoying. I am so annoyed by all that colours! And the music! That’s why Facebook is so much cooler, it’s for the more matured society.”

“Facebook is for adults, those annoying teenagers are still playing around with Friendster and Myspace. You should join Facebook, the others are for kids.”

I succumbed, but only because my cousin managed to persuade me to. Out of the 10535 earlier attempts by others, she’s the only who managed to convert this unbeliever. Of course, I’m preferring Facebook from the rest currently, but I’ve only started out and have rarely been toying with it, so I can’t tell you much. Though I can tell you that I’m expecting another steep downgrade in the wire installation within the human brain circuit.

And that’s the optimistic view.

Interesting stuff I dug out on Friendster, Myspace and Facebook:

This is thanks to my cursory glance over Wikipedia extensive research for the purpose of getting the facts straight.

1. Friendster was founded in March 2002, Myspace in August 2003. Facebook actually started out in February 2004 but was made public in September 2005.

2. Friendster has more than 85 million members worldwide, and is most popular in Asia, especially the Philippines with estimate figures of over 90% of internet users in Philippines having an account. They rack in 39% of the site’s traffic.

3. Myspace is probably the most controversy-filled and media-covered of the three.

Myspace parties have received front page news from the events of gatecrashed Myspace parties, seeing as news of the party can be spread to uninvited guests via newsfeeds. These are the few:

• A party hosted by Corey Delaney, a 16-year-old boy from Narre Warren in Melbourne, and advertised on MySpace, resulted in 500 people attending. Police cars were attacked, and they called in support, including the dog squad and a helicopter.
• Allen Joplin, a  17-year-old American high school student, was shot dead by an uninvited guest at an underage party after it had been publicized through MySpace.

In June 2006, 16-year-old American Katherine Lester flew to the Middle East, to Tel Aviv, Israel, after having tricked her parents into getting her a passport in order to be with a 20-year-old man she met through MySpace.

In October 2006, 13-year-old Megan Meier committed suicide after being the victim of cyber-bullying instigated by the mother of a friend who had posed as a 16-year old named “Josh Evans”.

In July 2007, the company found and deleted 29,000 profiles belonging to registered sex offenders.

Makes you feel all the more safe, doesn’t it?

This was my second personal experience, and compared with the first, I didn’t actually witness a spectral figure or sensed a ghastly presence of anything. For that, I refused to call it a supernatural awakening. Still it was creepy.

I spent the remainder of my Raya holidays in Langkawi with relatives. This meant – for me – free food, free lodging, free rides, free tourism activities and you know, the experience of familial bonding and shared closeness with your related kin or whatever.

DID I MENTION FREE FOOD!?!?

On the last day before having to leave early tomorrow morning, we headed out to a few tourist spots namely Makam Mahsuri, Forgettable and Overpriced Tourist Spot #1, You’ve Got to be Kidding Me Location #2, This Sure Was a Pleasant 5 Minutes Experience That Took Us Half an Hour to Get Here #3, Langkawi Cable Car and Underwater World Langkawi. Of course, dehydration was a constant bother so I chugged bottles of water as we drove to the designated places. My 3 years old niece, Adriana, probably excited by the sudden elasticity of my abdominal area, decided to play bouncy ball on my full bladder and refused to sit anyplace other than directly above the Human Organ Balloon. I am much tempted to verbosely tell you how extremely pleasant that experience was but it was actually dimmed by the more excruciatingly thrilling events of driving on bumpy streets and over speed bumps while having an approximately 15kg giggly and jumpy deadweight on your bursting full bladder.

I heart kids. We should teach them to play with scissors and other random sharp objects.

Anyway, it was a seven-seater car, and I sat way back with the kid. She was at an impressionable age undergoing the mimicking phase. She’d imitate your actions and words and I was quite proud of the new range of profanit—err vocabularies that I exposed her with. Wouldn’t it be nice if she grew up into a Jr. Aziemah? I’d be making the world a favour ‘cause she’d have my bubbly optimism, egregious generosity and love for all things happy and cute teehee! :D

Dyjae stop gagging.

We were driving to the Underwater World (actually enjoyed the place) and she was staring intently at the back windshield, at the miniature horizon growing smaller as we drove past thickets of bushes and sparsely grown trees. Then she pointed out the window, and I presumed she was pointing at the car behind us;

“There’s someone there! Someone over there!”

“Uh… congratulations kid. You can detect humans. Your mom must be proud.”

“There’s someone there!”

“Yeah it’s called a driver. Wow, right? Your aunt Aziemah is a genius.”

She was pointing vigorously still and I noted that the car behind us already drove past. There was nothing there. Before I comprehended anything, she asked the window;

“You want to go to auntie Aziemah’s house? You do?”

She nodded excitedly a few times and turned to me;

“Can we go to your house? Can we?”

Note that the house she was referring to is the adjacent room my cousin rented for me at Kampung Tok Senik. By this time, alarm bells started ringing… though it was just Beyonce’s ‘Ring The Alarm’ song playing on my Zune.

“Uhhh… who’s going to my house? You’re going to my house, Adriana?”

“Yeah I want to go to your house too!”

“Then”, I emphasised this part out of paranoia, “only YOU can come to my house.”

I thought the matter settled, eked out some courage and tried to focus on burning a hole on the backseat of where my eldest sister was sitting (This is for chuckling whenever we ran over a bump, you No. #1 sister in the world you!) before lil’ Adriana started doing something more creepy. She continued staring outside the window for several minutes, and just like how she’d imitate me everytime I stuck my tongue out at her, she started the imitation of bulging her eyes out and sticking her tongue much further out than people usually would. Her whole tongue stuck out of the crevice of her sinisterly creepy smile and she kept her eyes bulged for quite some time, all the while keeping an intense stare outside the window. I just gaped at her, chilled to the bone at the creepy face she was making and made a mental note to sleep under the covers that night… not because I’m scared, but, uh… because I’m… anticipating chilly weather and such and such.

After that, she got distracted as 3 year old kids would usually do and resumed her favourite pastime of imagining auntie Aziemah’s full bladder as a makeshift trampoline.

I almost prayed for her new friend to come back.

The creepiest thing was, when we got back that night and I slept in my respective bed… It happened… I actually…

…Slept like a frikkin’ baby.

Thanks for inviting the Sandman over, kid. Here have a penknife. Pergi main jauh-jauh, preferably without adult supervision.

So Diecisis died. Had a power trip, and then refused to load windows. I entered BIOS and did a disk check and sure enough, it confirmed that her harddisk died. In human anatomical terms, her heart stopped beating.

I’m just angry at her. I mean, I know I’ve made a new friend and life companion and all, but she didn’t have to act the way she did, dying like she did. Okay, maybe I neglected her a bit… didn’t even look at her for the past two weeks… Flaunted her new rival in front of her constantly…

I’M SORRY DIECISIS I’VE BEEN VERY MEAN TO YOU PLEASE COME BACK! T_____T

I guess I should write an eulogy or commemmorate the day she died. In fact, I know exactly what to do.

Let’s show off the new Compaq even more! :D

New wallies:

User Pictures:

Siamese Satans

Grotesque Overlord

Killer Rabbit!

Peaceful Slumber

I was using this for some time, until someone told me it’s too morbid and twisted, so I changed it to match the current wally:

Which is this one:

Made the Samurize skin (the green bubble thingies) myself, with actual working media buttons! :D I’d say ‘Wow’ to my self effort, but I hate that word on account that when directed to me, it’s usually followed by ‘You look like a girl!’.

…I may now have deep-rooted psychological issues that would affect me in the future.

Anyway, can’t stop pimping Azrin up (Not my sister, I just decided to finalise the laptop’s name and at the same time express gratitude to the person who contributed money… Though it’d be cool if I can pimp my sister $___$). She’s undergone several makeovers, and now I feel like a rich husband giving my wife breast implants and botox injections which is yeah, disturbing… I should you know, what’s that word called, interact with actual living people and that like, human communication thing… Oh right, socialise.

And I’m out, yo. *Does lame hip-hop hand gestures, pimp stylez* (That would sure make me popular with people :D)

Note: All pictures were stolen from DeviantArt…

I’ve always been attached to laptops and I had my first when I was 14. I already knew how to download files the year before that and it made having a laptop all the more fun. It was a Dell (let’s name it Takaa), bulky and reliable and I had her mostly during my gaming phase. My second was a Toshiba (Qacen) and she ran pretty good too. Unfortunately, she went into permanent state of uselessness after a botched up surgery (Online upgrade to XP SP2) and it later turned out that her BIOS hadn’t even been installed properly. The third was also a Compaq (Diecisis) and is still in usable condition. I don’t feel much of an attachment to her, since my sister ‘borrowed’ her for about two years while in Melbourne. Generously, she gave it back when it became horrifyingly obsolete and probably not advisable for those without the patience of a saint.

Just like a car, she would crash when I’d let out verbal complaints – “Jeez, women give birth faster that this” – so I’m writing this post on my new laptop, with the screen turned away from Diecisis, since I’m still using her to play some games and with her being my main downloading machine and everything (I’m not sure if Diecisis is literate, but let’s stay on the safe side).

My biggest complaint about her would be the fact that with a 256MB RAM and 1.64GHz processing speed, I could only run one memory intensive program at a time. I had to choose between downloading, converting videos, burning or surfing the web. Thank goodness I find watching download speeds picking up or seeing the time remaining for the burning process and the percentage of completion for video conversion very entertaining, otherwise I would’ve grown really frustrated. And you say I need a hobby, tch.

She also didn’t have a built-in burner, so I bought an external one and connected them with a USB to IDE cable. It’s like computer porn.

…Yeah I probably need a hobby.

It was time to get a new one and I bought my fourth, Jessica, about a few weeks ago. I glanced through her specs, saw the price quote and fell in love, albeit intending fully to try out an Asus this time around. Imagine a backdrop of evergreen forests, cascading waterfalls on a moonlit night, and a flat-chested figure running in slow motion towards her soul mate personified in the form of an inanimate object. It felt exactly like that and now I should either start reading more edifying romance novels (who the hell gets romantic in a jungle?) or again, get a hobby.

Or padded bras.

And guess what? Jokingly, I asked my little sister if she’d mind contributing to the spontaneously initiated Aziemah’s-Laptop-Fund, and with a slight moment’s hesitation, she said yes.

She gave me a thousand bucks.

One friggin K for Ka-Ching, baby!

While your younger, devilish spawn of satan that happens to share the same parents with you goes on to read your personal diary, tell mom about the condom she dropped found in your purse or post Zac Effron’s posters all over your shared bedroom and complaining to everyone after you defecate on it for the sake of mankind, mine gave me a thousand bucks to buy a laptop for myself.

I love money my sister. <3

Linda came at a whopping RM3099, with a free 2GB RAM upgrade and I spent another RM280 for Vista Premium. Check Marjorie out:

HP’s new Compaq Presario CQ45-137TX  is a 14.1-inch notebook with Intel Centrino 2 technology,

NVIDIA GeForce 9200M GS graphics chipset card, Integrated Altec-Lansing speakers and 1.3MP webcam.

Detailed Specs:

* Intel Core 2 Duo Processor T7350, 2.4 GHz
* 3 MB Level 2 cache, 1066 MHz Bus speed
* Intel 960GL Express Chipset
* 3-GB PC2-5300 DDR2 (800 MHz), 2 SODIMM Slots (maximum 8 GB)
* 250-GB Serial-ATA Hard Drive, 5400 rpm, 150 MB/sec transfer speed
* 8X SuperMulti Drive Double Layer (8.5 GB) DVD Writer with LightScribe
* 14.1-inch (35.8 cm) WXGA+ High Definition BrightView Widescreen display, 1280 x 800 pixels resolution in 16:10 Aspect Ratio, BrightView Screen Technology
* NVIDIA GeForce 9200M GS graphics chipset with upto 251-MB shared video memory
* Intel PRO/Wireless 3945ABG Wireless LAN 802.11 a/b/g Network Connection
* Integrated Bluetooth v2.0 connection
* Broadcom 5787 10/100 integrated Ethernet LAN interface
* 56 kbps v.52 modem/fax
* Full Size 101 Keys Keyboard
* Altec Lansing Stereo Speakers, 3D Sound Blaster Pro compatible sound 16 bit integrated
* 2 Omni-directional microphones
* Integrated 1.3 Megapixels Webcam
* Integrated Biometric Fingerprint Reader
* 5-in-1 integrated Digital Media Reader supporting xD, Secure Digital cards, MultiMedia cards, Memory Stick, Memory Stick Pro media cards
* ExpressCard/54 slot, Support for ExpressCard/34
* IEEE 1394 Interface – video capture interface
* HDMI Digital Port
* Microsoft Windows Vista Home Basic Edition
* 6-cell LiIon Battery, 2.5 hrs backup
* Dimensions: 33.4 cm (L) x 23.7 cm (W) x 2.6 cm (min) H / 3.9 cm (max) H)
* Weight: 2.50 Kgs (with power pack)

This review echoes all my own opinion of Stephanie (If you’re wondering about the constant change in my computer’s apellation, it’s because I’m going to think of a new one until it feels right. If you’re wondering what kind of efftard would name her laptop and talk about feelings… go jump off a cliff).

Vista has been running well so far, though I find Windows Sidebar overwhelmingly fun. A program that would crash intermittently, despite the upgrade in RAM and processor? Splendid! I play a game in which I’d start guessing the next time it would cause another computer freeze and by golly, guessing ‘every fucking time’ had been indeed accurate! I know, it’s like I’m psychic!

Overall, I’m satisfied with it. Here’s my pimped up desktop, with some Vista widgets on the side and basic customisation tools to beautify the ugly (Rainlendar, Rocket Dock and Samurize).

Most loved feature:

Biometric Fingerprint Reader.

Most despised feature:

Windows Sidebar.

Last and somewhat definitely least;

Windows Experience Index:

When you’re staying in an all-girls college and when 90% of your classmates are female, you can’t help but be pulled into that foreboding black hole of…

CUTE GUYS DISCUSSION TEEHEE!

If you know me personally, you’d probably realise that it’s not exactly my bread and butter. I’d rather discuss Dyjae, Farah and Mirah and other hot girls scientific anomalies, the latest shocking stories on the divisible line of human compassion and animalistic cruelty or my favourite of them all; the latest gadgets hardly available as of yet.

Of course, I don’t get much of that in UiTM and after spending three semesters here, it’s inevitable that I’ve adapted to the culture and conventional objects of interest. Which is, surprise surprise, the opposite sex.

In complete honesty, I’ve only found one guy to be attractive out of the whole male population in UiTM. However, he’s relatively unknown thanks to his low-profile stance and shy demeanour, which makes him more appealing. He’s fairly good looking but best of all, since he frequents the gym, he has that slightly muscular and lean figure which he, thank god, doesn’t showcase to the world in the form of extra small polo T’s or ridiculously tight jeans. Plus, he’s in the Dean’s list.

He’s also Izyan’s latest crush, heh heh heh. :P

Back to the point, since guys dominate most of the conversations with most of my acquaintances here, I’ve noticed that there are names that would invariably pop up. Here are the top three, followed by my personal opinions of them (Keep in mind that I don’t know any of them personally):

Note: I’m not really sure how accurate the subjective descriptions of their innate personalities are, seeing as they’re comments and reviews by my friends who have crushes on them. Though the physical attributes associated to them are my personal opinions.

Guy #1: Izmil

(Sorry for the crappy picture, it was taken from the APAcS Friendster profile. :P)

One thing about Malay girls, is that they really dig Malay Chinese-looking guys. Which is… very lame. It’s probably because actual Chinese boys give them scant attention.

And, here’s a jaw-dropper, this guy has somewhat Chinese features.

Gasp.

Fair skinned, slightly slanted eyes and a sharp chin, he’s an instant favourite at first glance and very much over-rated. He’s so popular that even though he seems to be the quiet and low-profile type, he has flocks of visually challenged adoring fangirls. I find him not so annoying because reportedly, he’s not flirtatious with girls and he wears only casual clothes. He’s rather short, however, but it wouldn’t be slim-pickings for him seeing as most of the girls here are goddamn annoying dear lord why must they exist and torture me so short anyway.

More importantly… he’s an APAcS member.

DIE APACS MEMBERS, DIE DIE DIE.

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Guy #2: Hazriq

(Don’t blame me for the down syndrome looking picture. It took ages to find his Friendster profile and even then, the pictures were crappy. Stupid.)

Now this guy is unbelievably popular as well. I’m not annoyed by him as much as the previous one, because he gets his adulation from being a very nice and helpful APAcS member. In fact, word is, he’s actually responsible and does good with his obligations, so no triple ‘DIE!’ angry bursts at him.

Well, maybe just one.

DIE.

This guy, however, is not too good looking. Button-nosed and slightly pug-ish features, he’s also relatively short and chubby. He wears tight shirts that seem to be almost ripping at the seams, too. But, even I admit it, he has really nice eyes. Someone once told me that you don’t need very attractive features, only very mesmerising eyes to have people falling for you.

He’s a walking testament to that statement (Ooo testament is an anagram of statement. Coincidence?).

It is also important to note that his fangirls are the least annoying, since he attracts the shy, quiet type.

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Guy #3: Qushay

(From his friend’s Myspace profile, seeing as his was set to private. Man can’t believe I wasted my time searching for all these pictures. You people better pay me for giving visual depictions.)

This name I will never forget (Though I keep forgetting his face >.>).

If the previous two can’t really care less about clothes, he is more fashion conscious, preferring the rock star wannabe look, complete with emo hair *cough*lame*cough*. He’s very tall and owns rather forgettable, pretty boy features. Girls adore him because he gives off the ‘cool’ vibe, sort of like your typical clichéd bad boy in a clichéd high school scene.

He’s the most annoying because he’s the most popular. In fact, that’s the reason his name is imprinted in my brain. Like him or not, his name never fails to pop up very frequently since he’s either the subject of hate, or like, but almost never neutrality.

Now I’m more concerned about his fangirls. His fangirls are the boisterous, attention desperate, dolled up types. He’s popular with the karat girls (dyed-hair chicks), the generic Gucci bag, wears-D&G-sunglasses-indoors chicks or the two-sizes-too-small-mini-Ts and extra-low-rise-jeans airheads.

You know what, I think they deserve their own special mention;

Guy Girls #4: Qushay’s fangirls

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When it comes to guys, I either enjoy their company (very few of them. Maynard, Gerard, Zakil, Jerome, Frederick, Azizul, Daniel, Larry you get a special mention here :D) or ignore their existence completely. With girls, I either really like, or really hate them. I like Dyjae, Mirah and Farah because they’re really attractive, yet they act humbly and almost take no notice of their own prettiness.

I’m not too annoyed by Izmil or Hazriq’s fangirls as well, since although apparently blind and with bad taste, they’re rather decent people.

Qushay’s admirers however… eesh.

They’re hardly attractive… in fact, they’re downright fuck ugly (except for this one totally hot karat girl who I have my eyes on), brand conscious, materialistic and their backs are arched so prominently, I swear they’re gonna poke someone’s eyes out one day. Like their object of interest, they’re the clichéd ‘it’ girls of a student community.

Only that they’re ugly.

Which I find discomforting (UiTM’s weird. The beautiful ones are submissive while the ugly ones are over-the-top).

But worse of all is how blindly and obviously they lavish him with attention, which is an embarrassment to the female race in and of itself. If Guy #1 and Guy #2’s fangirls would look at these two behind shady pillars or stealing only covert glances at them, Guy #3’s are the “Oh no you don’t, bitch. He’s mine, ghetto style baby!” *snaps fingers* type.

Jeez. And they say the males are the ones disintegrating our female pride and respect.

You know, the actual point of this post was to give a message/caveat to some;

Dear people with nothing better to do with their lives… if you’re a UiTM friend of mine, please do me a favour:

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP TALKING ABOUT THESE PEOPLE.

Here’s an introduction to my classmates, and subsequently, these three bevy of beauties:

According to a lecturer, our class is the experimental class. They wanted to compile the elites with the best academic results into one class and see how we cope with the new, more comprehensive and heavy teaching methods. The minimum As to enroll into the class were 8 As and most of them scored straight, while some others were already funded scholars.

One thing pleasant about my classmates since the very first semester is that, they seem to be the lucky ones.

The natural winners of the genes lottery pools.

Beautiful, smart, funny and charming are the words that I would describe some. In fact, their physical attractiveness is a topic of such heated arguments that we’ve had numerous debates on who’s the fairest of them all. These three are the favourite candidates and here are the winning titles we’ve unofficially given them:

· Khadija aka Dyjae

Dyjae is on a full scholarship and if that’s not enough, she is one of the most attractive in the class. Skin as fair as winter snow, complexion as smooth as pristine fields of a wintry scene and full, pouty lips of a pinkish-red hue. She has a slightly defined jaw line, nicely shaped nose and such huge eyes I initially referred to her as a doe-eyed beauty. Just a little mascara does wonders to that mesmerising stare of hers.

When she smiles, her eyes light up and you can’t help but subject yourself to her every whim. With that sweet tone of voice that she possesses, she has the guys flocking around her like lambs surrounding a shepherd.

Dyjae, we present you with:

The Sweet Beauty Award

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Next we have:

· Farah aka… Farah

The first thing you’ll notice about Farah is her very high, sing-song voice carried by a lilting accent. Most of those with that way of speaking would have you cringing in agony, but Farah’s is just so naturally, unpretentiously adorable that you’ll be cringing in desperate need to pinch her cheeks. Plus her ridiculously cute dimples don’t exactly douse the fire.

Her bangs hang animatedly over her big, innocent eyes and her wavy hair falls in drapes over her slender shoulders. Her square face acts as a beautiful canvass to that inexplicably cute smile of hers and those slightly teasing eyes.

Truth be told, Dyjae and the subsequent candidate surpass her in terms of looks but in terms of personality, she has the highest percentage of completely charming you. She is so excessively cute that it makes you feel like a volcano on the point of eruption, and that is probably why she has the most admirers out of the three.

Farah, we present you with:

The Cute Beauty Award

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And last but not least:

· Amirah aka Mirah

Mirah is what we describe an exotic beauty. Intriguingly, she has those oval, Egyptian eyes that mysteriously twist upwards very subtly at the corners. She also has very full, luscious and pouty lips that never escape notice. We jokingly, though rightfully call it ‘The Angelina Jolie smile’.

Rather unapproachable to strangers, Mirah exudes a sexy, almost mysterious aura. She has a slim, well-endowed figure and she carries it elegantly, marking an almost regal presence.

However, there’s a tricky side to her beauty. You probably won’t notice her the first time around and she doesn’t give a lasting impression, unlike the previous two. If with Farah and Dyjae ‘What you see is what you get’, with Mirah it’s ‘The more you see, the more you get’. Sure enough, as with most exotic things, you’ll only be magnetised by her attraction the more you pay attention to her.

Mirah, we present you with:

The Sexy Beauty Award

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There you have it, the three candidates. Personally, I vouch for Mirah to be the best out of the three, simply because I’m more easily swayed by sexiness.

…But then Dyjae is so pretty too… And Farah is so cute…

Feh. It’s just a matter of personal preference.

Who’s your favourite?

“Izyan… these aren’t orgasms in the mouth anymore. My tongue is climaxing.”

That’s how good Izyan’s Apple Crumble Cheesecake is.

She was bored one weekend when she decided to try out something new. Her half-lidded eyes and listless hands were shuffling in tune to the muffled drones of the TV in the background while she eyed the multi-coloured cake creations and array of ingredients in the recipe book before her. The multitude of designs that flawlessly envisioned a pastry chef’s true artistry, bedecked in magnificent colours that told a flowing story of ideas evolving into grand creations were met with nonchalance.

I would’ve been salivating all over the book.

Then, her hands abruptly stopped when an intriguing title caught her eye. It was simple enough, no titles of grandeur or haughty foreign name (which sometimes seem random) to accompany the pastry. It read;

‘Apple Crumble Cheesecake.’

Spurring her inactive gears to life, she turned off the soporific voice of the TV and hastened to the kitchen where to me, the wonderful and edible magical things happen. She was hit by crushing waves of inspiration and the need to bake was overwhelming.

Not that I’m complaining.

Soon enough, all the baking peripherals were before her. She was set out for war and the ammunition was cake ingredients.

Meanwhile, deep in the outskirts of civilisation we call UiTM, I was bumping my head against the wall repeatedly, more numbed by the throbbing pain of boredom than anything else. I had little clue I was to experience a bout of intense pleasure from a non-obscene orifice.

Hell yeah.

Monday came about and I was invited to stay another night over in her room in Seroja. I took my laptop along so we can enjoy musicals like Dreamgirls, Grease and Hairpsray heehee badass movies with plenty of explosions, illogical death tolls and jugs the size of balloons on the point of bursting. The night seemed fun and promising, but whatever preparation I took, I was ill-prepared for the onslaught of euphoria in the appearance of (what we shall now refer to as) THE ULTIMATE CAKE OF ALL TIMEZZ (TUCOATz).

“Surprise! I bought cheesecake!” She excitedly exclaimed, reminding me of a pre-teen bragging about her latest Nick Carter poster. If that really happened, I thought, it’d sure be fun to have a loaded gun.

“Oh.” It seemed nothing new, so my lack of enthusiasm was rudely apparent.

“Apple Crumble Cheesecake!” This time, her lips creased into a sly smile.

“OH?”

Almost in slow-motion, she opened the lid of a worn-looking Tupperware while my eyes glistened in childlike anticipation. True enough, the old container was as misleading as Britney Spears’ twin silicones because inside it hid an image of pastry splendour, baking magnificence, cake beauty and all those words of English rule-breaking praises. An (imaginary) halo of resplendence shone over the TUCOATz, augmenting its appearance and accelerating my speed in salivating.

Surreptitiously wiping my pool of crystal clear saliva onto Balqis’ bedsheets, Izyan handed me a fork to have the honour of being the first to taste it.

…Okay fine, so I literally grabbed the cake and fork from her hands. Watcha gonna do ‘bout that, huh punk?

Anyway, elated by the extension of such an honour, I took a HUGEASS CHUNK delicate bite, wanting to savour TUCOATz.

The moment my mouth closed around it, I felt an explosion of taste. My taste buds melted at the slight sourness of the apple, the sweetness of the cake, the rich creaminess of the cheese. It was crumbly and moist as I bit into the crunchiness of the almonds. Just lightly, I tasted the zest of lemon juice and the inexplicable taste of cinnamon, the ingredients Izyan added as an afterthought. I sighed pleasantly as every taste danced distinctively, yet harmoniously on my tongue.

All in one bite.

And (this time, I’m not joking or being sarcastic), I teared.

I DIDN’T CRY *COUGH*.

Just that ONLY ONE OR TWO tears started materialising out of its own accord.

Izyan, touched by my wordless appreciation, took a picture to commemorate the moment and thanked me from the bottom of her heart.

“What the hell. You’re crying?? Shit I’m taking a picture. Hahaha here’s something to make fun of!”

Die, bitch. If only your cakes weren’t so orgasmic.

THE END.

UiTM has its fair share of social stigmas. For one, it’s made of one part Malay, one part racism and one part Malay.

Did I also forget to mention it’s also one part Malay?

I took my official university acceptance with a pinch of salt. I never thought I’d end up in a university with statistically lower than average standards, abysmal achievements and generally sub-par students. The strongest resentment I have against UiTM is proven by this conversation I had with someone in the very first semester;

“Man, don’t you guys feel lucky?”

“What for?”

“Well, you guys managed few measly A’s for your SPM, and you get accepted regardless.”

“I got 4 A’s, I deserve my placement.”

“Yeah well, I have plenty of Chinese friends getting straight A’s, even A1’s, with impressive co-curricular records and they’re forced to fork out their own cash to get into private universities.”

“Your point is?”

“Well you guys can hardly compare to them, and yet you get to be in a University where we pay a meagre RM500 for one semester, subsidised food, living accommodation and all these other perks. The only thing we have over these people is that we’re Malays.”

“So? They’re foreign people. Who asked them to be in this country?”

“…What?”

“This is our country, and they just menumpang. Who gives them the right to complain over something they don’t deserve in the first place?”

“…”

“Malaysia is for the Malays. Us. This is our right, not theirs. If they don’t like it, then they should just get out.”

This is apparently, general consensus. I knew there was something wrong about an all-bumiputera University, but I didn’t expect such insolence and ignorance. It was at this time I doubted my decision to reject the offer for Mechanical Engineering under Petronas. The course might suck, but at least I would’ve been around more educated people.

The problem is essentially, the people.

The mentality.

The culture.

I had no other problems with UiTM. I quote Irene; “First-class facilities, third-class mentality.”

You see, you guys might not be aware but there are a lot of perks in UiTM Shah Alam, despite it being the cheapest public university. Government subsidised, we’re talking about major spendings on architectural aesthetics, practical assistance to students that naturally don’t come cheap, significant allocation on study grants, up-to-date technology and the lot.

Here are my favourites:

• UiTM Shah Alam is HUGE.

• Decent transport system, with Rapid KL and UiTM busses having internal and external routes within the main campus.

• Practical and very well-maintained facilities. We have an indoor swimming pool, several gyms, comfortably-sized clinics with free medical and dental service (we don’t even pay for the prescribed medicine). There’s the world-class library and updated computer labs, award-winning buildings, art galleries, restaurants, a hotel (run by students) and so much more.

• UiTM plays host to plenty of national competitions, speeches by renowned people and copious national events. Even celebrities visit now and then and I’ve spotted a few in Menara SAAS’ cafe.

• Food subsidy and free in-campus accommodation for those eligible.

• Free Wi-Fi for most colleges, lecture halls, selected buildings and the likes. Under leisure traffic, I’ve gotten download speeds of up to 1000kb/s.

There’s also the man-made lake that set the government back one million and the award-winning waterfall designed by some foreign architect that cost the University two million.

Don’t ask.

Anyway, now in my third semester, as mentioned in my previous posts, I’m finally at peace. I was initially confused, but I know why now.

I’ve started to truly love my friends here.

Against all odds, they’ve charmed me and cracked my introversion. They’ve proven themselves unlike the branded stereotypes around. I’m just frustrated that I’ve only realised how much I actually like them in the third semester, when the scholarship offer to UK was granted. If I don’t fail any CAT papers, I’d probably start a new semester in London this September.

I don’t want to leave them.

Why must it be now?

PS: Another reason to love UiTM: I’m in the Dean’s list! And, I found out few days ago from an annoying classmate that retarded Magician Guy is having a semester break. That means he’s not around. One less douche bag in UiTM, and I can’t be anymore happier. :D

I wrote that last week and was meaning to post it, but there’s a new update!

I’M NOT GOING TO LONDON!

My Mak Long called few days before and told me, seeing as the college I was assigned to was not a well-reputed one or anything (actually, it’s pretty crappy), then I should just not go. Studying in the centre of London would be cool and all, but if it’s at a crappy college then why bother, right?

The lecturers would be happy, seeing that they sat me down and gave a two hour persuasive talk on not leaving too soon. My uncle would be happy because he’d rather I stay in UiTM as well. I’m happy because I get to visit Australia by the end of this year with my favourite cousin. My friends were happy when I told them. Izyan would be happy because… well I would be happy because I get to eat more free blueberry cheese tarts and cheesecake that Izyan would bake.

Though… I later found out from Izyan that she and the seniors were planning a surprise farewell party for me at Sungai Gabai.

Damn.

Should’ve told them after the party.