It’s been a long time since I penned an entry stating my still alive existence which doesn’t come in the form of a review. Here’s where I’m supposed to pretend to enjoy life way too much and make a witty joke about the lack of your social life and the active workings of mine, thus ha-ha you star-trek fan virgin loser, etc.

Chill bitches, I know you up in ma’ drive and wishin’ you were me.

The truth is a long and confusing open-ended story, the ending only working out to start a new and unanticipated chapter. It’s the ever-exciting tale of how I gained 10 pounds (I hear the feminine cries of woe and disgust already), come to live in the disarrayed filth I call my room (Is that lump of thing on the floor edible? I’m hungry. It should be edible), and the mess of a life that gradually built up out of nowhere.

Though by mess of a life, I actually mean I’m running out of series to watch and House and Fringe are only starting back in September.

Anyway, instead of writing something new today, I’m trying something new by writing something old. Okay who got confused? If you did, then;

Ha-ha. Retard. :D

Okay this is a blog post about a year ago, when I took an English proficiency test (which some of you come to know as IELTS) before flying to the UK. It was quite the experience, it was. And that’s why I’m writing about it, as opposed to writing about how fluffy the clouds are today or how I lost my favourite blue pen about a year ago. Don’t worry though, those are soon to come.

Anyway, read on while I pick the cookie crumbs off the rug to eat… err… keep my room tidy.

IELTS (International English Language Testing System… I think)

It was the night before. I knew I was supposed to arrive at the centre by 8am so I figured I should sleep really, really early (I sacrificed a fourth viewing of 300 for that, so don’t belittle my effort).

I hadn’t done any preparation for the exam, wasn’t even sure what the hell I’m supposed to do, bring with me, how long it would take or even the exam rules. At least though, I mused, I would come equipped with a well-rested mind, if not well-informed.

So lights out at 11pm it is.

I woke up the next morning to the sound of… well, actually, nothing. I slept through my alarm that was set at 6am, 6.30am and 7.15am. The morning sun assaulted my half-opened eyes and I lazily stretched in bed, open to the comfortable suggestion of the comforter, pillow and mattress while dredging up some more sleeping hours before I sat up abruptly after remembering something just somewhat, somehow, relatively important;

I had an exam I paid RM530 for today.

I looked to the clock on the wall (as opposed to being on the floor or ceiling, I guess) and saw the time on the artistic grandeur of my RM5 Jusco wall clock..

It was 7.50am.

I suppose I was late.

I jumped from the covers, rushed to the bathroom, brushed my teeth (well you can say it was more of committing gum-bleeding suicide with the rushed and murderous strokes of the potent toothbrush bristles) and took the first shirt I saw on the floor in front of me (clean, I assure you. Mopped the floors just the week before). Somehow, I also managed to be the first person in the world to get bruises from putting on pants, pocketed my wallet and off I went.

Once I was on the small driveway leading to the main road, I suddenly had the awakening to become the most religious zealot on earth, supplicating to God and apologising deeply for I was so negligent of Him before. My earnest and calm prayer went like this;

“Dear God… taxi taxi TAXI!!!”

Sure enough, the moment I stepped onto the main road, a conspicuously yellow-painted carriage from heaven fell from the sky to whisk me to safety.

Okay, maybe it arrived in a less dramatic (and fantasy-like) way, but still…

I half-mangled the door as I forcibly opened it, jumped in and elegantly barked at the cab driver, telling him my destination. I had to repeat it a second time though, since he looked at me the first time with confusion and partial-shock docking his face.

Probably too dazzled by how composed I was.

It was a 3 minutes ride, and when he came to a stop few feet from the centre, I threw all that was left in my wallet at him.

I’m not regretful that I probably gave him too much of a tip (Didn’t even get to sound extra cool and generous while saying “Keep the change, my good fellow” and shrugging my shoulders in a display of impotent coolness and munificence), but thankful that I still kept a sound mind not to throw the whole wallet.

God was with me the whole way.

I ran to the centre like kittens were chasing me and went immediately up the steps.

Upon the first floor landing of the exam centre, I glanced at the wall-clock they had… and the time was 7.59am, 47 seconds.

Booyah bitches, who da boss?

That’s not the end of it though. When I arrived, I felt weird… incomplete somehow. Like I’d forgotten something very, very important.

I checked the stuff I brought with me; my ID (check), the forms I needed (check) and a face that got out of bed a mere 15 minutes ago (check check check). What could I have possible forgotte– Oh right.

Stationeries.

That meant no pens, no pencils, no erasers, nothing. Everyone around me though, had several dozen 2B pencils in their hands. As soon as I stopped panicking and looking like a constipated idiot, I turned to the guy behind me (Who had 3 dozens bundled up, I swear to you) and went;

“Oh gee! We’re using 2B pencils? Can’t we use mechanical pencils? Do I need a pen?! My god what am I going to do…”

He took one sympathetic glance and gave me 4 pencils of his own. I think he was still left with like 6329875 pencils, so it was not a particularly huge sacrifice on his part anyway. Thank god he didn’t bother to see if I actually did bring anything at all either, that kind-hearted idiot.

The exam itself though, was nothing short of dull.

The Listening part was complete bull, and I couldn’t be bothered much with it. I think I dozed off intermittently during the last quarter, too (thanks to the energy-sapping morning excitement).

The Reading exam was finished within half the time because I didn’t want to read it carefully or double check my answers… life’s too short and looking around the exam halls, staring at the odd-shaped head of the lady in front of me seemed like it demanded more attention.

The Writing exam left me with 20 minutes of comfortable head-resting-against-arm position as I was too lazy to perfect my essay draft or bother with grammar and the trivial things. Like I said, life is short, so that makes sleeping time a lot less.

The reason for not caring was not because I’m confident in my English skillz (It’s still high-school level) but because I needed a mere 6.5 out of a possible 9.0 so… why bother much. A 6.5 SHOULD be possible, my English is (hopefully) at least up to that level since you know, I’m not from Japan or Korea or anything like that.

Anyway, the conclusion to this chapter is brief but essential:

• The cookie crumbs on the floor were NOT edible… and nor were they cookie crumbs at all but let’s move on;

• Don’t ask me if I showered;

• The religious zealot thing didn’t stick. It only lasted the 10 seconds until the taxi arrived. Taxis must be the power tools of hell.

• I passed.

PS:

I love my youngest sister.  She’s such a perfect blend of sarcasm, cynicism and bluntness and it complements her razor-sharp tongue. If she hates you, she makes it known in the harshest and most sarcastic way possible. She doesn’t give a fuck as to what people say about her and somehow, she’s managed to make like-minded friends.

I still remember some of the things she would say in our normal course of conversation (Red’s hers, Green’s mine);

*Watching Unrest, a B-grade horror-flick centred around a hospital backdrop*

“What does the OR stand for on that door?”

“Operation room, duh.”

“Oh… you mean not the O-mergency room?”

“…”

*Staring outside for god knows what reason (to fully appreciate nature?)*

“Oh look, a squirrel!”

“Yeah, I see ‘em a lot. They’re always running around in the front yard.”

“Aww… poor squirrels. Too bad we took away their habitats and they don’t have a place to live in and now they have to eat the garbage from every house and grow into giant mutated squirrels.”

“…”

*Random *

(In a British Accent) “You know dearest sister, I am rather fond of that… that elegant classical dance, wot do you call it? Wot? Street dance?”

“…”

*Me griping about UiTM*

“UiTM this… blah blah… Malays that… etc etc…”

“…”

“Why are you so silent? Are you thinking about what I just said and agreeing with it?”

“Um… no. I’m just wondering why you think I care.”

*(In a similar breath as to the one above) Talking about something that pisses me off*

“…So that’s what gets me mad.”

“OMG I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS!”

“…”

“Hey let’s go eat something I’m hungry.”

*Complaining about losing her Vincci shoe at her hostel*

“It costed me RM50!”

“So what do you want me to do about it?”

“Well I have your bank card and pin number.”

“…”

*Back from Usher’s recent concert in Malaysia*

“Aziemah! It was awesome!”

“Stop making me jealous.”

“No really, it was! He’s so sexy it’s okay if he wants to rape me.”

“…”

Such an impertinent, arrogant and insolent person.

…I’ve trained her well.

Basically, while I was searching online for a pre-owned PS3 (Secondhand gadgets for life, bitches. Plus I’m broke) I came across several “auctions” that would promote this particular website; FreebieJeebies.

Being of the Google Generation (new name for the 21st century), I did a lot of checking up on it and was 80% sure it’s legit.

Now leaves the 20%: trying it out myself.

Basically, I sign up for an account at FreebieJeebies and sign up for a 3rd-party offer they’re affiliated with (I’m signing up for LoveFilm because it genuinely seems like something I’d stick to). After that, I just gather sufficient referrals that would ultimately get me the prize I want. In this case, it’s a 250GB PS3 Slim.

I need 15 referrals.

I need your help. :D

Basically what you do is sign up for the websites FreebieJeebies advertises, and when they receive compensation, they give it back to you in the form of an item. I think the selection includes gadgets of the Apple variety and the new iPhone4 is up too apparently. After that, depending on the stuff you choose hence the referrals you need, just start recommending it to friends and when they decide that they’d try it too, presto! You get one referral. 14 more to go.

But hey, if you’re Mr/Mrs Popular, why not give it a go? It should be easy for you. And tell me if it works.

Just sign up via this link, and you’d be one of my referrers, in which I would be greatly obliged. :D

Here’s the link again, just in case:

http://consoles.freebiejeebies.co.uk/179620

Once it’s done (with my luck I doubt that though), then I can ascertain its success factor. Good luck me, good luck you.

Classes have started just today and here I was getting excited about my 254th consecutive days of pelting peanuts at inanimate objects. A tragedy, really. I’m this close to making a dent on that horridly brown-hued closet with the speed I possess in pelting said peanuts.

Some people are just born talented.

Speaking of which, there was a purpose for this particular post…

I recently purchased the Zune HD.

IN.

YOUR.

FACE.

BITCHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes it’s so remarkable to see how mature I am for my age.

I’ve grown weary of explaining multiple times what a Zune is, but I won’t mind telling it again for your sake.

Just kidding. I love to hear myself talk.

So here’s a brief summary:

Basically, all of you effing pathetic Apple fanboys are gushing over the latest releases by the devil incarnate (sometimes referred to as Steve Jobs). He has like, the Midas-Fucking-Touch when it comes to releasing the latest, up-to-date, age-defying, I-wank-to-it-in-my-parent’s-basement gadgets. The iPod, iPod touch, iPhone (all 400-fucking-version of it) has been well received by society due to its brilliant, flawless designs and novelty sizes.

With all his pioneering status and knack for the trendy and kitschy, he’s also brilliantly named said gadgets with simplistic, yet memorable and esoteric  names that appeals to just about everyone within this neo-futuristic age. He’d never, ever do something stupid like name a product to something that bears a striking resemblance to a woman’s menstrual pad, however.

OH WAIT.

I however, am one of the (unfortunately) minority that completely abhor the hype surrounding a singular brand. I’m not denying that it’s nice to look at or nice to touch (Like Amirah’s bewbies),

Such soft… err.. hair. My right hand is touching her, err… hair.

…Admittedly, the name even has a unique ring to it (save for a particular new Apple release…);

The Apple iPod Touch and the iPhone

Now doesn’t that sound like something that would leave her knees weak when you whisper to it passionately in her ear (as you hang out together under your parent’s basement)?

Also, the Apple App Store is a force not to be reckoned with. An old statistic I remember seeing stated that they dominate about 80% of the world’s mobile app world.

They sold 1 billion app last year. In the span of 9 months.

And of course, learning management science, we’re told numerous times how brilliant the marketing strategies they’ve adapted and how world-leading their after-sales service are. Bla-fucking-bla. Leave a few gaps of silence in reverence to the benchmarking status they’ve upheld and get ready for the blow-by-blow comparison I feel obliged to disseminate to you ignorant masses.

ZUNE VS IPOD

When the world was pining over the latest Apple and granting too great a consumer hold over it, there exists a disgruntled few who just couldn’t understand how someone could salivate over something with diminished capacity compared to other better brands, save that it looks better. There were notable competitions, like the Creative Zen, Sony and iRiver but they hardly stood a chance against the might of Apple fanboys (forthwith referred to as The Retarded Ones), egregious in their enthusiasm and overflowing in numbers.

Finally, Microsoft (Yes, Microsoft) took a stance and teamed up with Toshiba to create what is to be then referred to simply as Microsoft Zune. As Apple evolved, it gradually did too, with the release of the 2nd and 3rd generation, extricating themselves from the alliance with Toshiba in the process and fully propelling the project within their own capacity. It was performing adequately enough, it boosted and outperformed Apple is several categories, but non critical enough for us Zune fan-PEOPLE to go head-to-head with our retarded Apple counterparts… That is, until the Zune HD was released.

HOW THE ZUNE HD FUCKING RULE THE WORLD.

Zune is cheaper (MOST IMPORTANTEST FACT OF ALL).

Pricing (taken from Amazon US):

iPod Touch 8GB: $175.90

VS

Zune HD: No equivalent product range.

—–

iPod Touch 16GB: $199.00

VS

Zune HD 16GB: $164.00 (Black in colour)

—-

iPod Touch 32GB: $264.00

VS

Zune HD 32GB: $238.00 (Platinum in colour)

—-

iPod Touch 64GB: $349.00

VS

Zune HD 64GB: $349.00 (White in colour)

(Okay, maybe this one might be similar, but give it some time. It was just released April this year. :P)

The iPod sound quality pales in comparison to the Zune.

When I say blow-by-blow, I really mean I-am-too-much-of-a-distracted-person-to-type-all-that-much-but-hey-here’s-a-useful-link-insert-smilie-face.

There are plenty of audiophile forums singing high, laudable praises for the Zune (I might exaggerate this a teeny bit) in terms of audio quality, comparing it incessantly with the iPod, all the while noting the iPod’s glaring inferiority. In case the technical jargons might confuse you, here’s an amazon-forum based discussion:

Sound Quality, Zune VS iPod

Don’t take my word for it, take Amazon’s (I think Amazon should pay me for typing that. I’m running a petition soon).

 

The Zune has far superior display.

Alright, the iPod Touch might have a slightly wider diagonal measurement at 3.5″ (beating the Zune at 3.3″) but that’s just superiority in numbers, not actual performance. The deficient 0.2″ is more than made up by the fact that the Zune outfits more pixels in a similar space (480 x 272), making it so much more vibrant and the colours strikingly brilliant. Or, if you’re going to be all fuck-all for that slight technical difference, consider this: The Zune uses OLED display while the iPod Touch is still stuck with the same ol’ boring LCD.

You have to be daft not to be aware of the mountainous quality difference between an OLED and LCD display. In fact, the strongest selling point of the Zune is in its display quality and how it upstages just about every other brand not by a slight, but staggering margin.

 

The Zune weighs less and is smaller in size.

The initial measurements would have the iPod winning preliminarily again. The thickness of 8.5mm is slightly smaller than Zune’s 8.9mm. However, that’s as far as it extends. The Zune totally beats it in all other aspects.

Apple’s product is 2.4″ wide, the Zune is 2.1″.

Apple’s is 4.3″ tall, the Zune is 4.0″.

And despite its smaller size, the Zune manages to weight about 36% less than the iPod, measuring at 76g as opposed to Apple’s hefty 115g. It doesn’t look too light, thanks to the shiny metallic exterior but when you pick it up, you might be somewhat surprised by the contrasting weight (as I was).

 

Zune has better battery life.

I hate it when my battery is completely drained and it’s getting all that much harder to pretend to listen to music so that the shower-challenged guy beside you might take a hint or two (true story). Here’s a short recap:

Apple has 30 hours music playback, Zune HD has 33.

Apple has 6 hours video playback, Zune HD has 8.5.

Apple charges at an 80% capacity by two hours via wall adapter, Zune at 100%.

Via a USB port, Apple requires 4 hours for a full charge, Zune requires 3.

Zune support more video formats at a far, FAR better quality

This is highly imperative for myself, since I primarily watch movies and series while riding the Underground. I’ve watched two seasons of Ugly Betty and Desperate Housewives… Err I mean House and CSI on my old 1st Gen Zune and several countless movies, so the fact that the Zune processes 640 x 480 video resolution at 30 frames per second, and is able to decode MPEG-4 and H.264 compression schemes at up to 2.5 Mbps (H.264 PEOPLE!) I literally screamed. In addition, it also handles Microsoft’s native WMV format, which the iPod is simply unable to (They’re restricted to MPEG-4).

Not only that, but the quality of 480p can be extended to a frikkin’ 720p seamlessly, in which even some laptops can barely handle it. The video can be outputted at that quality to a HD TV via composite cables sold separately. And while the iPod plays videos of up to 2.5mb in speed, Zune can perform at a whooping 14mb.

I’m sorry for all the technical jargons, there’s no other way to explain just how superior the Zune is. I doubt telling you “IT IS THE FUCKING BEST BOOYA BITCHESSSSS!!!! FUCKING LOOK AT THAT PICTAHSSSS!” would help much.

 

Zune is scratch-resistant, Apple is basically designed to be covered in scratches within several hours of usage.

I noticed this trait when I dropped my 1st Gen Zune for about 5 tim- err once. ONCE. And noticed that there were no visible scratches on the screen or the casing, despite dropping it on gravel at a magnitude of… well, very hard. I was more than exalted when I discovered the same trait was extended to the Zune HD, since the sleek metallic exterior made me figure it was built the same way as the iPod: classy and elegant, yet magnetized scratches like no one’s business.

Seriously, does any Apply fanboy dare to comment on how scratch prone all the Apple products are?

If you’re in the US, you have a choice of five colours with free engravings:

Latest additions:

Last but not least:

 

Honorouble mentions

The NVIDIA Tegra Chip.

Zune would be the first media player to use this ground-breaking technology. If you’re wondering what exactly the fuck it is, I don’t have a fucking clue either. Google plskthx:

It’s a graphics-based processor inputted into laptops mostly, to ensure quality video playbacks at staggering processing speeds and minimum power output.

Oh man, does this sound bitching:

“Specifically, the Tegra provides the Zune HD with eight independent processors, each designed for a specific class of tasks – among them are an HD video processor, an audio processor, a graphics processor, and two ARM cores. Furthermore, the processors can work together or independently to minimize power consumption.”

The Zune also has Wi-Fi, a Web browser (with tap-to-zoom technology), built-in accelerometer, and a touch-screen QWERTY keyboard.

Seriously, what more can you ask for? Okay, maybe a shirtless Jake Gyllenhaal.

Well hello there, Prince of Persia.

ALL MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED!

One thing to gripe about however, is that it is only released in US and Canada. I’ve been waiting for an Europe release (rumoured since Fall of 2009) but it was just grapevine shit. The only way of buying it was either purchasing it at exorbitant prices from UK-based inofficial stores… or eBay (New at slightly less exorbitant prices and refurbished at much less).

Of course, cheapskate me chose eBay.  Refurbished.

Whatever I have a Zune HD.

PS: Yes, this post update is because it’s 4am and I have to get ready for class at 7am tomorrow… err today.