Of Happiness and Valiums

It was your birthday on June the 15th. You’re 21 now, and as your younger sister, I was around during the 19 years you shelled an existence.

During those years we’ve spent as siblings, you’ve given me plenty of happy… no… pleasant… err… not quite… well, you’ve given me plenty of memories. Most of them were unspeakably horrendous so I now live a scarred existence able to stand the test of time, and are pretty valuable to me.

Do you remember, when we were cavorting jovially on fields of daffodils and daisies as the sun filtered through the dreamy clouds? We crafted floral headpieces and ornaments with the flowers and decorated our ponies in them as we joked and laughed merrily on our way back to the castle?

Yeah god knows what drug I was on then.

Probably the same one you’re on.

Do you remember how similar we looked when we were younger? People often mistook us for twins and they would badger us on questions of our birth. But then, I sort of got cuter and more adorable and people stopped making the resemblance.

Remember? :D

Do you remember when we shared all those times and did all the stupid things every sibling would’ve done to each other at one point in their lives? We’d probably look back on those memories and gewgaw at how silly we were! We did some pretty cute things, like;

• I threatened you with a knife to keep your distance or so help me god, I will slice open your innards?

• We had to be placed in separate houses because our abnormally frequent fights got too violent and bloody?

• You deliberately password-protected the computer before I had a chance to print my PMR project that was due tomorrow and had me all fucked on that day?

Ahh, fond memories that keeps my heart warm with nostalgic feelings!

Do you remember when we gradually matured and finally found peace with one another? We stopped grabbing at each other’s throats, screaming obscene profanities and wishing for each other’s demise.

And then it lasted for like what, 2 hours before we came to our senses and found creative ways to once again inflict unspeakable pain to one another?

You should know, dear brother, that I categorise people into two headings;

• Those that steal my oxygen.

• Those that don’t steal my oxygen.

During our childish days, you were my top oxygen stealer. But now, as I have come to realise that you’re my only brother and our destinies are intertwined by strong ties of blood, I shall acknowledge you as one who does not stain nor plunder my much beloved oxygen. You’re welcomed to have all of my oxygen as you may so desire!

Just remember that it’s on loan.

Before I go off to harass the stupid neighbour by playing Metallica at full volume, I sincerely hope you gratefully accept this zero cost birthday gift of mine as it was done out of much cheapskateness sisterly love! Why did I do it three days after your actual date of birth, you ask?

Well, it’s not because I’ve been staying up all night reading comic books and harassing the neighbours, oh no! It’s because… urm… it’s taken me this long to mull over and convey just the right message to give you! I wanted to uh… make the birthday gift all the more special!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

P/S: I uh… don’t owe you anything after this, right?

Note: Click on the links below you lazy arses.

Guess who’s back?

No, not the lying fascists we call Malaysian politicians and their hike in petrol prices (Just have to mention this. If you’re Malaysian and have not mentioned/debated/argued/mentally assassinate Government members over this, then get out of this country. Specifically Japan, so you can buy me cool gadgets), but me!

Now quickly! Make an I-sincerely-care-about-your-thoughts-and-problems-because-I’m-paid-to-do-so face! You know, the one you make when… yeah, that one! Oprah has taught you well.

Exams are just about done and so is my four weeks of intense, comprehensive revisions… On modern movie genres and kickass novels.

Nah I’m just jiving with ya. Of course I studied well and hard and entered the exam halls fully prepared! In fact, I’m giving you a small curtain-opening to the activities I diligently pursued when I was highly motivated to revise:

1. I studied through… proving my awesome 1337-ness.

This involved stalking my own blog for inordinate amount of times on a particular day and trying to raise my own stat counts by revisiting repeatedly. Which apparently, doesn’t work. So I had to stay up until 5am, foregoing all known activities rendered entertaining (like drawing unicorns! And pink ponies! …Killing each other), waiting for something.

A pair of bloodshot eyes and 5 hours of constantly refreshing this page and being deprived of random, senseless killing of cute things which the world severely lacks later; and I finally got it:

I know, I know. Get a life. Don’t worry, I am. Currently, it’s 84% done and the download speed is picking up.

2. Updating myself on general knowledge that bears relativity to accounting.

I took up the effort of not only improving my studies, but obtaining the general well-being of an informed mind. In fact, I don’t mind sharing the substantive knowledge I have garnered with you lesser-enlightened beings. For instance, did you know that;

i) 300 Spartans obsessed with tanning oils stood against a Persian king that underwent sexual reconstructive surgery and his 1 million armies made up of skilled assassins, aberrant monsters, and scariest of all, green screens and an impressive CGI-effect teams? I know this because I’m highly versed in grossly embellished, bastardised Hollywood version world history.

ii) That when people come back from the underworld, you see a flash of green light over the horizon? I haven’t witnessed it myself, but this documentary with like, jaw-dropping, goddamn sizzling hot pirates and the undead and like lots of Arr-ing claims so, so it has to be true.

ii) That although it may not seem so… Malaysia is like, a country! With a governing body acting as, like, a Government! And you thought we were run by sex fiends, possibly homicidal individuals and money-crazy dumbfucks. Shame on you, tch.

God I’m so knowledgeable.

3. Proving my awesome 1337-ness… with a bunny.

Beat that, you people with better things to do with your life!

…Yeah okay maybe there’s a slight possibility that these activities have no relations to my studies. Maybe this has. No? Well screw you! Google supports me!

Okay, for real now. I’ll tell you, without pretense, how awesomely prepared I was.

–

T6 (Drafting Financial Statements) on 2nd June:

9 hours of reading before the hour of doom. 5 hours of it being continuous.

–

T7 (Planning, Controlling and Management Performance) on 3rd June:

12 hours of reading whatever notes I had since I never bought the textbook (I’m sorry Mr. Song! I didn’t lose most of your notes, I uh… recycled them out of love for the environment! See? I’m hugging a tree. See?). 7 of it continuous.

–

T9 (Taxation and Computations) on 10th June:

18 hours of reading a book with the font size of a sub-divided atom with 500-odd pages on tax related facts (And delightful it rather was! Now can someone give me a lighter?). 12 of it continuous.

–

T10 (Managing Finances) on 11th June:

7 hours of watching movies while the roommates weren’t around and 5 hours of continuous studying when they were (It’s hard to study when it’s so quiet. God bless these noisy, inconsiderate people that have sat through their last paper days before and does not give a rat’s ass when it comes to the plight of others).

–

You know what, studying is evil. It’s a sin. My books were pristine before, and now, much to the horror of… well nobody, really, they’re severely dog-eared and crumpled. Crumpled! Within just a few hours! Books are meant to make you appear intellectual, damnit. Who cares if you actually read it? How are we pseudo-intellects supposed to cope? I didn’t buy geek glasses for nothing!

Ninnies.

Oh, and;

Please stop doing that.