My aunt joined Facebook
…and now my vocabulary is lacking profane words and suddenly rich with semi-inspirational ones like ‘studying!’ and ‘thinking of lesbian porn classes!’ My facebook status, you know, that space where you post all your epiphanies, mood, current activities and everything related to things people don’t give a flying fuck bunny about will drastically change. I’ll always be “happy about the new class schedules” and “eager to start studying yay!” and would always be engaged in “reading up on new accounting policies LOL SO FUN“.
…Just kidding. She’s a very cool aunt (my favourite, actually), and it’s nice to finally be able to interact with her virtually (I have a bad habit of checking my phone once a week and that typically doesn’t bode well with people much SURPRISINGLY…). Good advice to everyone. Can’t get me on my phone? Then it’s probably shoved between my layers of ass-fat (Sound doesn’t carry all that well here) as I accidentally sat on it in my haste to get to the laptop and start LOLCat-ting READING ONLINE EXAM TIPS. In other words, E-mail is probably the safer option.
I know a lot of friends who’ve gotten through this experience in one way or another:
You wake up, bleary-eyed and breath stinking of zombie pits and yesterday’s chicken meatloaf, ready to start the day anew. You grab your modern-day toothbrush, otherwise known as the laptop and start with the morning makeover, otherwise known as poring over the internet for 2 hours before you start doing anything productive, IF you ever start doing anything productive. Of course, useful news-generating websites like The Star or Metro Online is so passé and you prefer to stalk your ex-boyfriend (*cough*Neesa*cough) or enlighten yourself on your friend’s recent blind-date mishap. Your finger immediately types the ‘F’ in the browser before auto-completion sets it to ‘facebook.com’. See? Even your browser known you don’t have a life.
Your eye wanders over-excitedly coolly over the red notification on the lower right and upon noticing that you have 7 notifications today, you start clicking it maybe just a bit too quickly. In that split of a nanosecond, you generate hope that it’s your crush commenting on your photo or someone decidedly popular posting something on your wall, which, by logic, means that you’re popular too despite your addiction to social media websites. Unfortunately, it’s just Mafia Wars telling you that so-and-so has just won a fight with your help and someone has bought your pet away from you in Friends For Sale. But hey, what’s this? Someone has GIVEN you a gift in Mafia Wars! It’s probably a pathetic shotgun but hey! SOMEONE SENT ME– ERR YOU! I MEAN YOU– A GIFT! Social domination is a just a hair’s breadth away. You will be drinking Apple Martinis with Paris Hilton at some posh club in Hollywood in no time.
Completely satisfied with your social progress, you start typing in Omar Afiq *cough*NEESA*cough* your ex-boyfriend’s name in the search box before you notice something else. A comical green icon on the upper right, stating that you have a friend request. How pleasant! You ignore the other icons which details 78 application invites, 23 group invites and 56 “other” (note: sex related quizzes) invites and again, start clicking on the thing a tad too enthusiastically. You just KNOW it’s some random brazillian hunk or media tycoon who got so mesmerised over your gorgeous profile picture (which hardly looks anything like you what the hey photoshop / myspace angles) and wants to get to know you better over apple martinis. Paris Hilton might come around, too.
Your mind pore over the details, the name and the picture of this new friend applicant and you say to yourself ‘Why is this brazillian dude wearing spandex and looking a lot li– DAD?!”
Congratulations. You’re in social media hell.
You get a bit curious and start going through your dad’s seemingly risqué profile and pictures. Soon enough, your housemates will swear that they heard muffled noises from your room that sounded a lot like “THAT’S NOT MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!“
Okay, maybe that scenario’s a bit too far-fetched, but I bet these are a bit more realistic:
http://myparentsjoinedfacebook.com
It’s a hilarious website.
Reminded me when I had a friend-request from a relative I despised (Whom I bet visits this website). It immediately became a quandary, I started discussing with friends if I should fake my death or approve her and if I do, what’s the grace period to ignore her request before she starts suspecting something. After LOL-ing with my sisters about her having a facebook account and OMG-ing with batshit crazy friends (the same dipshits I love but would spell out death if my relatives find out existed), I finally approved her after three short weeks because she called me up to specifically inform of her friend request and why haven’t I approved her yet? I realised she’s not so bad and hey she’s family after all, so what the heck you know? And then, I fell into morbid depression and committed suicide.
Believe me, it’s a happy ending.
!@#$%^&*
WTF.
Checked on the 2nd of July, 2009; 1400 hours, +00 GMT.
THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME YOU GET ME, STUPID UNIVERSE!
Wacko Jacko
Finding a decent picture of him is like figuring out rocket science.
You know, as shocking as Jacko’s death might be, there’s another thing that impacted a stronger “What The Fux0rz” reaction;
The aftermath.
Right now, headlines of him getting a Muslim burial, claims of his alleged child molestation being fictitious (they claimed the child confessed to lying as per his parent’s request), his death bearing a suspicious cause, and more of his conversion to Islam tales are mushrooming. So now, I’m fasting from any world-related news for a few days. Then I can be like those boarding school kids who can elaborate on the atom’s structure word-by-textbook word but still go “Obama? Is that like, a new breed of llamas?“
Not that they can speak decent English though. It would probably sound something like this; “Obama? Is that likes.. new breeding of the animal that looking like llama?”
Assuming they know what a llama is. (If you’re wondering why the sudden animosity towards boarding school kids… let’s just say there’s one particular person who’s grating my nerves. If she’s not careful, I am so featuring her on this space).
I’ll miss the guy though, even though I don’t exactly live next door to him and have evening tea and scones together or anything.
As a kid, I remember watching his music videos together with my little sister on laser disc all the time. We’d skip ‘Thriller‘ because the music video would scare the crap out of us…
Okay, maybe just me.
I honestly still can’t watch that music video until now and it’s the only Jacko song I haven’t heard ’till the end. ‘Remember The Time‘ and ‘Rock With You‘ will always be an all-time favourite though.
By the way, you might hate me for this but I’m one of those who believe that his previous child molestation case was fabricated. Not blown out of proportions but completely fabricated. Media hype. Greedy, manipulative parents. Puppeteered, innocent kids. I’m ready to be humiliated and proven wrong however, and I think Kak Wani’s the only one who can do that.
A last note from me;
SO true.
Nokia’s ‘iPhone Killer’ N97 First Release
Just this morning I was rudely awakened by this annoying thing called sunlight (Curse you sunlight!) at 10am and sensing an urgent need to relieve myself, I hobbled in a half-stupor towards the lavatory. Just 5 steps away from the bathroom door, my other housemate beckoned in a frenzied manner towards her room. She was forcing me to get in, and I felt a slight pang of annoyance intermingled with a slight desire to pee on her. I dragged my footsteps towards her room, my mind still muddled by the remnants of sleep as I bumped into the cupboard that’s in the middle of the second floor hallway (do not ask).
She had a huge grin plastered on that Pee-On-Me! face and I was about to bark at her when she started pointing excitedly at a black box. I didn’t have my glasses on then, so I squinted long and hard, my mind still registering the shock of being shown a black box. (Oh wow… a black box… Shocking, thrilling, exciting, etc etc…). Just then, her boyfriend/scandal waved something white in front of me. It fitted snugly in his hands, and its opaque whiteness drew me in.
And then it clicked.
There in his hands, was the resplendent, opal white N97 and it ired me that he waved it in a nonchalant manner instead of putting it on a pedestal and kneeling before it. I was about to ask the exact price he paid for it, when my friend interrupted eagerly;
“It’s my birthday present!”
Then and there, my jaw dropped to the floor. Internally, I was cursing at the two, muttering to myself “Stupid spoiled rich brats. I hate all of you rich brats.”, before they made another announcement;
“We’re giving you my old phone!”
AWESOME SPOILED RICH BRATS. I LOVE ALL OF YOU RICH BRATS.
What she was more excited about was not the phone itself, and as show-off-syndrome has it, this attracted her even more.
Not sure if the number denotes the serial release, but if she says it does... then it does.
The fact that it was the first N97 phone to be released in London. As proof, they also showed the letter from Nokia that refers to him as the first customer for the N97.
I resisted the urge to persuade her to sell it on eBay as a first edition and snatched the phone from his insolent hands screw them both asked politely to toy with it, and they nicely agreed. I half-expected to be disappointed but I was monumentally disappointed by the fact that I wasn’t disappointed. I was a prospective disappointment that turned out to be not disappointing to my disappointment.
Pros:
Response time was minimal, if non-existent. Physical keypad usage was a breeze (major upgrade) and touch-screen sensitivity was significantly better than the previous N-series. The placement of side buttons (Both physical and touch) was creative and strangely gave me a sense of novelty. Even the stylus design had me blubbering nonsensically. They all originally thought it was a small pendrive added as a free gift. The earphone looks and feels expensive, and I’m loving the wire enclosure and its fibre optics-inspired design (supported by the phone’s 3.5mm audio output jack. Win win win. It’s a bit to the lighter side though).
It boasts a 32GB internal memory, with a memory card extension of up to 16GB and that’s another win-win for me. If it promises extended battery life (yet to be ascertained), then I might have strike the 3rd gen Zune player from my wishlist and go for this phone myself.
Cons:
It opens up to a full-sized QWERTY, except for the usual displacement of the space bar button that’s minimised and placed to the lower right. It takes only half a second to get used to, unless you have three broken fingers in which I broke out of pure jealousy from seeing that you own this phone. This is not one of the cons, but the fact that it opens and closes rather awkwardly (and loudly to boot) turns me off. It reminded me of how flip and slide phones gets easily damaged because of the lack of smooth open/close movement. The fluidity leaves much to be desired. The green and red LED-lights you see on the right side of the phone (refer to above picture) strongly contrasted the rich feel of the porcelain whiteness with its plastic, toy-like feel.
The phone is bulkier than the Nokia 5800 but that obvious statement is to be expected. It might turn a lot of owners from donning skinny jeans (a blessing in disguise) so I’m expecting this one to be a hit-or-miss for phone lovers. The phone also uses a different charger jack which comes with an adaptor for the old one, and I’m wondering if Nokia’s gonna standardise this HTC-like charging outlet.
The camera’s decent enough; boasting a 5-mp resolution, and I’m not too sure if I’m asking for too much but Nokia still pales in comparison with the other phone brands in the market in the camera phone sector, namely LG and Sony.
Lastly, I was disappointed by the lack of better functions. You would expect a phone that generated so much hype would cover a lot more new and mind-blowing functions, but it turned out to be pretty standard. The advertisement that showcased Myspace, Friendster and Facebook, sans Twitter might attract a lot of people, but it seems like a cheap trick to me. Nokia uses Symbian OS and I am of the opinion that although sufficiently satisfactory, it still needs to go through a major overhaul. In this technologically-relevant world, we get bored easily and the entertainers need to step up their game, not pander just to social networking website whores.
One final hat-trick from me. Now the friends I have here are spoiled, check; rich, check; brats… well maybe one or two, which means that they have a lot of goodies for me to play with. So far, I’ve had my fair share of playtime with these phones;
The Nokia E63
The Blackberry “Javelin” 8900
Last and I swear, god-friggin’ least, the iPhone 3G
And my final decision?
If you want to get a phone that annoys you the most, get the iPhone.
If you want a standard phone for standard usage and a standard price, get the E63 or its more expensive kin, the E71.
If you want an eye-candy phone with satisfactory functions and best value for money, get the Blackberry Curve.
If you want to die of starvation;
Get the Nokia N97.
Summer Joy (Impending)
Summer’s a’comin’, remnants of spring shakes its plethora of colours from its leafy green branches.
There’s so many things that can brighten your day in summer. The sun beating down on you, the canvass of pristine white clouds against an encompassing cerulean blue, rays of sunlight cascading from the sky to bask you in that much appreciated warmth especially if the weather’s been bitingly cold as of late… and most of all, layers of protruding abdominal fat publicly showcased by the walking heart-attacks who would redefine obesity if they could.
Summer attire, you are the bane of my existence.
Body-hugging baby-Ts, spaghetti straps and tank tops, miniskirts and summer shorts.
Foreigners are so considerate. How did they know I’ve been oh-so-eager to see their glaringly obvious stretch marks and that I find it endlessly entertaining to count how many layers of fat they have? (For the purpose of preserving mental health, this math-related, graphic-heavy mind exercise is suitable for those aged 7 and above). Looking at your unshaved underarms and legs also fills me with such happiness and joy.
1 out of 4 people in the UK are overweight, and they’re proud of it, damnit. The parade of the morbidly obese will commence within a few weeks and this is when I ask; “Why, God? Why did you only give so very few of them heart attacks this year?”
Have God no mercy on my sanity? Oh wait, swine flu.
My prayers have been answered.
I think the thing I should be noting is the intensity of the sun’s rays at times. London is very different from Malaysia. Here, people actually purchase sunglasses to like, use them. Outside. When the sun gets blindingly unbearable (it’s a daily occurrence). I mean, who does that? In Malaysia, we wear them inside shopping complexes, because darn it, those KLCC lights are too much for our fragile eyesights! They’re goddamn necessities!
Silly Londoners.
Should I purchase a pair or risk reduced eye capacity from rolling my eyes (in glee. When I see another skimpily clad, fat person passing by) and accidentally looking straight into the sun too often?
A decent pair from a decent brand (Next, Topshop, etc) could range from £5 – £20. Not bad, if you ask me. But then again, I’m saving up for Sennheiser’s PX100 or Koss’s KSC75. Haven’t made up my mind on which of these two headphones to get. Let’s label them glasses as luxury items for now.
My ears > My eyes.
A picture post, for you too-lazy-to-read douches.
Remember when I said the Malaysian community in London is especially close-knit? I’ve made some few good friends here, met some annoying ones, have despised some others and forged what I hope to be a close bond with a few that stand out in my books. I’m featuring four of ‘em, each identified by yours truly by single adjectives;
Pleasant;
Interesting;
Despicable; and
Annoying.
It’s your call to mix and match the faces with whichever words you deem befits them, but here they are. Also, I believe these pictures represent each in the light of their own seven deadly sins…
Gluttony
Vanity
Lust
Camwhore-ity
Huh what? It’s not a sin? Whatever it should be one. Here are chronological pictures of us (I took most of ‘em whee :D). And hey, if you noticed that we had a colour theme for this particular outing to Barking’s own Park, then congratulations. You have the unique talent of pointing out the obvious.
A very sorry attempt at camouflage.
Papparazzi-inspired shot, while they pretended to be celebrities. I took this… because no one else in their right mind would.
A metal fence freak accident waiting to happen…
Funny enough, they all didn’t know each was doing the Angelina Jolie-inspired puckered lips. Neither also knew how terribly they failed at it… (I’m not gonna be the one to tell them).
I think they’d be happy if I point out that oh look! Your shadows are shorter than you are, you little midgets!
Numbers!
Alphabets!
Father Time!
The three previous pictures exhibit a posed remembrance of one’s lost youth… or four really sad people with too much time on their hands.
Oh wow, they remembered to take a picture of me too.
I love the colour montage. Red (sad people/us) against green (trees), against blue (sky).
Picture taken moments before I broke my back.
Here are my favourite pictures of the lot. I took ‘em too! :D
Spring time (Oh hey I can point out the obvious too).
They sorta look like cherry blossoms in the distance.
The haunting sinewy vines of the trees reaching upwards to the darkening sky. Eerie.
Quick trivia. Am I really grabbing ‘em? This is Nuha, by the way. Of Thai descent, which explains her exotic features. She’s capricious, easily irritable and fashion conscious… that’s why I really like her. :D
That’s Kamal… God willing, he’ll be married to another member of our little group by next year… I hope they do it here, it’d be my first wedding in London. It’s funny how budding romance can flourish into something beautiful and sacred as you’re miles away from home. How you find comfort in each other’s presence initially as friends, desolate as you are after having taken off so far away from home… and eventually developing sincere and conflicting feelings for each other as you try to sort out your friendship and desire for something more. Cliched and overused in Chic Lit, it’s a plot I didn’t think I’d witness personally. But it’s there and it’s cute. :D
Like my little friend here, Mr. Bushy-Tailed-Widdle-Cutey-Wutey-Aww-So-Adorable Squirrel. I believe he’s referring to the Names Registrar for a change soon
Anyway, have fun matching the four distinct people with the four distinct personality traits I mentioned earlier. Here’s to the theory of your face, the creases on your complexion, and the architectural, subtle nuances and inflections in your facial structure being the determining factor for your innate personalities. What’s that field of science called again? Roasted squirrel on a pit to anyone who can tell me.
Obama and Swine Flu
“Someone once said when a black man becomes president pigs will fly. Sure enough 100 days later, ’swine flew’”.
A friend texted me with that the other day and it got me thinking. There was too much goddamn hype on Obama’s first 100 days in office but the coincidental merge on the FLU PANDEMIC/APOCALYPSE/ARMAGEDDON/FUCK LIV TYLER IS HOT timestamp was actually something to ponder much on. A silent biological warfare retaliation by a particular disgruntled ex-president, maybe? I don’t know if I’ll get in trouble with this incriminating suggestion by giving out a name, but who cares. I’m talking about George B… Nixon.
</Chickened Out>
But oh yeah, 100 days is surely one of the most effective method to evaluate the performance of presidential efficacy. On the 5th of May 2009, Obama was subject to high-profile criticism and such close-ranged scrutiny you have to wonder if they’re gonna cancel American Idol that night with the overwhelming media coverage he was getting.
ADAM LAMBERT FTW.
(Okay they didn’t cancel American Idol but Scrubs did get aired a day later though. I’m not a Scrubs fan so… mwehehe.)
America had always practised a veritable evaluation run-through of their leaders. That’s why it took them only 4 years to notice George B… err Nixon was fucking up the country. And hell, he was doing such a great job at it, why not elect him for another 4? He’s only semi-fucked the other countries during his 4-years stint, so it’s only fair to give them just as much attention and share of his rainbow-hued, puppy and lollipop love achievable through another 4. Palestine looks a bit desolate and explosion-less this year, we can fix that!
Compare the pre and post-Bush era. Aren’t we filled with more happiness and love now? :D
Am I pro-Obama? Not too sure myself, he was filled with so much hope and promise during his campaign. Heck, both those words were used to describe him in at least 11 out of 10 articles that brought up the subject of this new “full of hope and promise” candidate for presidency… and by bloggers that felt compelled to blog about him just to show they’re up-to-date intellects that are savvy with current world happenings and not just photo whores who pike up their stats with over-sexed and precarious party pictures.
Post #1: Here’s a picture of me during XXX’s birthday party! Hehe, he is such a silly goof!
Post #2: Our trip to the beach. What do you think of my skimpy bikini?
Post #3: OBAMA WON! Omg, I am so happy! He is so full of hope and promise I know that he would do greatly as the American president. :)
Post #4: Went to the club today to celebrate YYY going away party!!!!!!!
Goes to show just how influential Obama is. He is so imposing and powerful, he’s capable of disrupting the flow of supericial and bimbotic blog posts. I am in awe. It does reflect his 69% approval rating though. So far, reading up on his ‘achievements’ and following through on his actions, I’d say he’s a mid-paced realist. He’s not winning any points from me yet, but he hasn’t lost any either. We’ll probably see how it goes in the next “100 days after the first 100 days of Obama as president!” Followed by a quick review of what the next 100 after the first 100 days following the subsequent 100 days.
Oh, and by the way… you people are seriously goddamn idiots.
Swine flu isn’t going to kill us all. Too bad, cause I won’t mind having less idiots around. So here’s the scare; 2 deaths in the US already? Oh wow, that is just so terrifying, especially compared to the hundreds of death that would be caused by the common flu, at average, in a week. Now the hospitals are overloaded, billions are lost on cancelled air travels, students’ daily routines disrupted with the closing of several schools, and people are packing up on ammunition because when you’re shit-faced, scared and highly anticipatory of mass increase in morbidity rate, guns are apparently the best solution.
Wow. Humankind. We’re just fucking mindblowing geniuses.
It’s just the media set out to grab your attention. Now why would they do something like that, I wonder? Why would the media exaggerate and blow something completely out of proportions on something that would obviously pique our interest and boost their sales figures? It’s almost unheard of!
In case you forgot how stupid you are, here’s another brief reminder;
Swine Flu has a similar percentage of death rate as the common flu, the difference being that there is no mass vaccination programme unlike the common flu, which obviously has its own mass vaccination programme because well, I don’t know, it’s been around for far longer than Bush’s term as president? (Which, in retrospect, felt like it lasted forever). The common flu kills about 36, 000 Americans per year. That’s approximately an average of 100 deaths in a day. Swine flu’s first victim in 2009 (when the ‘virulent disease’ was at its inception stage) was on the 13th of April in Mexico. It’s almost four weeks now and it has claimed 42 victims in Mexico. Now, since the earlier figures were statistical results pertaining to America’s morbidity rate on the common flu, we should take note that there has only been two deaths reported since 29th of April in America. The first victim claimed was a susceptible 23 months old baby and the second was a pregnant woman. Within slightly over a week, the swine flu claims only 2 victims. Gee, how potent it is.
Also, both these victims were already riddled with various disease and health problems. The toddler has “a chronic muscle weakness called myasthenia gravis, a heart defect, a swallowing problem and lack of oxygen” while the pregnant lady suffered from “asthma, rheumatoid arthritis, a skin condition called psoriasis and was 35 weeks pregnant”. Was anyone surprised their lives caved in so easily?
Now new things are cropping up; A recent report by the New England of Journal, released by the CDC submitted details on the 22 hospitalised with swine flu. Nine had “chronic medical conditions”, one even has a congenital heart disease, while 5 alone were asthma sufferers. I do admit that the 900 confirmed cases in the US sounds quite daunting, however. [Source]
It’s all a media hype, nothing more. Now please just stop talking about how we’re going to die and how you fantasize yourself of being the heroine in Resident Evil (just with you not looking like the hot Mila Jovovich but more like the innumerable dead zombies) as we near the “apocalypse” and talk more about how they’re finally opening four halal KFC outlets in East London yay! Less about the panic of something so infinitesimally trivial and more about filling me up ’till I swell up like a balloon.
I didn’t get an ass this big without much hard-earned effort.
This was 2 days ago, but still…
UK cable operator Virgin Media has announced the first real-world customer pilots of up to 200Mbps broadband services using DOCSIS3 technology from Cisco, which could make it one of the fastest Internet Service Providers (ISPs) in the world. Following successful lab trials, the 6 month long pilot started last week in Ashford, Kent (England), and will ultimately employ 100 customers in the testing process. The pilot will, among other things, test future online consumer applications, including High Definition Internet TV (HD IPTV) and the ability to deliver applications and support for home IT needs through its network. By comparison J:Com in Japan supplies broadband at up to 160Mbps and Cablevision in the US supplies broadband at up to 101Mbps. Like Virgin Media, both companies use DOCSIS3 technology for broadband over cable networks. [Source]
On trial, but still. This is motivation to continue staying in the UK, or scoop out my eyeballs with rusted nails and prongs until it becomes available in this lifetime/in my area/have to move back to Malaysia NOW and resume the services of Screamyx. Hell I’d move to Kent if I’d be chosen as one of those to help run the testing period.
On a slight tangent, apparently googling “WHY WON’T MY FUCKING BALANCE SHEET BALANCE?!?!” won’t really help much with accounting homework. I guess Google isn’t really the cesspool of worthwhile information. I should’ve noticed that when I googled “Where are my fucking house keys auuughhhasdgfdklsmfssfnwkjrn!!!” in futile earlier.
This is what google image search returned for “Where are my fucking house keys?!” though;
Apparently lost house keys can anthropromorphize into a lowly animal that spews and lives within its own whirlpool of shit and make annoying sounds that grates on your nerves while you conjure up images of strangling said source with thin barb wires.
Oh and the dog is cute too.
Gotta go. Searching for my… nevermind.
Today, the highlight is porn!
To those who’d wilfully been deceived, here’s a brief reminder what the last post was about;
Extracted from 01/04/2009 “I have a boyfriend!” Post:
PS: I fubar’ed my taskbar calendar. What date is today?
If you paid just a smidgen more attention, you’d have noticed that…
AWMIGOD
Bad idea for a joke, I know. :D
Anyway, I haven’t lost that last remnant of sanity. It’s hanging by a thread, but it’s there. The day I get a boyfriend is literally the day hell freezes over. Or the day that shockingly I, well, get a boyfriend. But no one gives a shit ’bout my apathy for relationships, so who really cares, right?
It was either this or wearing a female dress on posting about my new-found enthusiasm for frilly lacey things, pink, smilie-faced lollipops and bouts of paranoia-induced emotional outbursts. But this requires actual OWNING of a dress, so…
Moving on.
I’ve been staying at Elephant and Castle and after adapting a daily habit of eating juice and cereal for breakfast, bread for lunch and dinner and whatever cookies I get my grubby hands on for snacks, I’ve lost a drastic 7kgs. Within a few weeks. Before you start profusely shouting obscenities at me out of jealousy, I’d like to clarify that I’m not much pleased. If I start losing fat around my tush area, sitting down won’t be as comfortable. I’d start losing reasons for not wearing baby-Ts (eg; I’m too embarassed by my triple-layered tummy!) and well, I actually like the reaction I get subsequent to informing others my actual weight (“Dear God, you weight HOW much? You didn’t eat a horse for dinner… you ate TWO”).
If you’re wondering, I’m 64kgs. Call it heavy bones or additional layers of undulating, stretch-marks causing fat, but I’m a solid 64kg.
Now I’m 59kgs.
Did you believe that?
Wait. Didn’t I say I lost SEVEN kilograms?
So yeah, I’m actually now 57. For those too slow in discerning that bit of miscalculation… your maths…
FAIL
Actually, everyone’s probably seen that. Here’re my favourites:
So despite my room’s great practicality and the ease of stay generated by its location (It’s near to four major grocery outlets and public transportation… and within walking distance to class), I find myself… well, my tummy being very neglected and desolate. However, I’m not a picky eater and although I do eat a lot, I can ignore the hunger pangs without much complaint. I could get used to this life, eat crap everyday and become a skeletal anorexic (i.e. standard size model)… if it hadn’t been for those pesky seniors in Barking.
Barking’s in Zone 4, which is pretty fucking far from Zone 1. The Malaysian community here is pretty tight and they always seem to have a function every week. We’d congregate to eat Nasi Lemak, Nasi Briyani, Mee Goreng and all the usual Malaysian delicacies you can think of.
They’re split into two. Those in Zone 1 (Some in Baker Street… which is in fucking London central for god’s sake… some in Elephant and Castle as well… and some others in East Dulwich, a nice English community sort of place) and Zone 4 (Barking and Plaistow. Well technically, Plaistow’s in Zone 3).
Basically, all the action happens in Zone 4. We’d be treated to a delicious meal as everyone starts arriving in groups of 2 and 3, and we’d end the night with a boisterous game of Poker. It’s tight-knit, everyone’s cracking jokes, the ambient is warm, the gossip starts overflowing, everyone shares into self-deprecating humour… it’s just generally a great place to spend with friends.
And then there’s this particular senior.
I call her Kak Eka. She started cooking since she was 12. For her, it was a bloody violent regiment of physical abuse if you don’t get the taste just right. In her family, a minor, trivial mistake or slight deviation from accepted taste and flavour would have her food completely disregarded. Canned.
It’s what you’d expect from a family of caterers.
Within my first month of being here, I ate heavenly and mouth-watering Tom Yam, Nasi Ayam, Nasi Paprik, Mihun Hailam, Sambal Goreng, Ayam Masak Merah, Sweet and Sour Fish, Scrambled Eggs with Anchovies, Pisang Goreng, Nasi Goreng Belacan… and basically anything you can think of, all thanks to her. She doesn’t limit herself to just burst of Malaysian flavour goodness. Just the other day, we had Chicken Chop with Oriental Sauce and Mashed Potatoes.
Just say the word, and she’d whip up anything that you’ve been craving. I kid you not when I say her cooking’s simply superb. She’s one of those whimsical chefs, capriciously altering the ingredients, working up a storm in the kitchen and within a few minutes, come up with 3 dishes of varying types. I’ve been eating like an Emperor and thanks to her, I regained the weight loss.
Within a few days.
Oh man, I can’t wait to see how I’d look like after two years being here with her.
Thus, I find myself staying over at Barking rather often. Not that I don’t enjoy the company of my foreign housemates. They’re nice guys, sociable and constantly going out for drinks and bringing you along… but one craves food moreso than company. At least for me. (Though I love the Polish guy’s accent. Sik paham pabenda dimadah nya. Tang ngangguk jak aku nengar nya ngelakar).
Today, I ate about four plates of this:
Honey Chicken Rice.
Two words;
Damn.
Good.
It rivals the Mihun Hailam and the Nasi Paprik which are two of my previous favourite dish from her. And, the best part of all is that, I only have to pay £20 monthly to leech off their food
If you think I’m being a cheapskate, all of the other member of the household contributes £20 to eat lavishly everyday (This is the first time I thought of taking a picture of the food, you guys missed out on a lot of good ol’ fashioned food porn).
How great is that shit, eh?
I have a boyfriend!
zOMG this is totally cool!
After years of refusing to be with anyone, of sticking to my principles and deluded, self-imposed belief of self-worth, I’ve decided to succumb to the pressures of peer folly.
First it was facebook, now it’s finding myself someone to be with.
What next?!
It’s like I’m all giddy inside, always wondering what he’ll say next, what he’ll do next, anticipating his calls, texts and sweet nothings whispered to my ear.
Chain of freedom? Overrated!
This feeling of elation can never, EVER be replicated.
And not to mention, Google Chrome released a 3D version of itself! Now we can surf the web in a more realistic and world based interface. How cool is that!? I totally recommend it to you guys searching for a fuller experience on the (previously mundane and dull until THIS came along) web browser. Youtube also has a new and more practical layout. Can this day get any better?
No more self-righteous tirades on how having a boyfriend is a waste of time from me, nope. I’ve jumped the bandwagon and oh boy, I ain’t going back. I’ll waste precious amount of times wondering why he’s 0.5 seconds late in replying to my texts, shout shrilly at him if he helps that old woman cross the street (I totally saw you undressing her granny panties with your eyes!), demand that only I’m allowed to be in his MSN, ICQ, Google Talk and phone contacts list (or when I’m generous, he’s allowed to add his mother too whatever) and talk about him incessantly to jealous people who may LOOK bored when I talk about our day but are actually rolling their eyes in jealousy.
JEALOUSY.
I’m on seventh heaven. I’m in bliss.
Here’s his picture with his crappy web-cam on an old and utterly obsolete Dell:
<3
He’s not as tech-savvy as I’d like him to be but not everyone’s perfect. I so love my baby!
PS: I fubar’ed my taskbar calendar. What date is today?
